I remember watching Olympia Dukakis as she gloriously played the part of Rose Castorini in the movie, “Moonstruck.” She had a question she desperately wanted answered. (If you’ve never seen the movie you should immediately rectify the situation.) But the question Rose asked was this: “Why do men chase women?”
There are scads of books written about this subject–books by doctors, movie-stars, psychologists and yes, even psychics. And we have all seen the magazines in the supermarkets that advertise articles on their covers with titles like: “Ten Ways to Keep Your Man from Straying,” or some other such nonsense as though a woman could read the article, put herself in a certain position wearing the right lingerie (for example) and voila!–the man with wandering eyes and a straying heart would be changed.
However, many women would be disheartened to find out that preventing the “grass is always greener on the other side” type of mentality in their man will not be as simple as practicing special bedroom antics with their beloved even if they do them while wearing skimpy lingerie.
And before I get into what I really believe the answer to the question is–let me just put this out there: There are exceptions to the rule and extremes in behavior on the woman’s part that could actually drive away the most patient and understanding of men–and this article is not about those women. With that acknowledged, let’s get into the real reasons men chase women.
Reason number 1: Character Issues
Reason number 2: See reason number one.
Reason number 3: See reason number two.
Reason number 4. All of the above.
Okay, it’s not really four points but the fact the answer stems from one main point is a point to be made. And the point is this: Men chase women because they have never reached a level of maturity that being in a committed relationship requires. That is why it is a character issue.
It does not matter how old the man, how rich the man or how intelligent the man is–if he cannot keep a commitment to someone he loves–he has a character issue.
That’s why none of those supposed “bedroom tricks” will hold a man. Sure, there are things a woman can do to spark her husband’s interest. She might even be able to keep that interest for a while. But if the man is not totally committed to her and no other, she could end up feeling like a hamster-in-a-wheel–always looking for some new way to compete with the temptations her husband probably faces every day. No matter how good a wife is at pleasing her husband, even wanting something “just different” can be a temptation to a man with a character issue.
And make no mistake about this next point: A man’s love for you won’t trump his character issue(s) either. A man can be deeply in love but still have major problems in the character department. I’ve heard women say: “If he loved me, he wouldn’t have done such and such.” Wrong. Granted, love can inspire change sometimes but it is not the indicator of it. People can love and not change. They can have horrible flaws and still be “in love.”
If your man has never matured to the point of being able to dedicate himself to one woman, eventually no trick, hint, new hairstyle, or weight loss regimen (even one that promises a “super, hot body”) will cause your man to mature. And all of these attempts on your part will fail eventually simply because they are things YOU are doing and you were not the one with the problem in the first place. The problem was with him, was always with him and will continue to be with him until he grows up, has some sort of epiphany, is born again or experiences something that causes him to want to make a life-changing about-face on his own.
His mama can’t slap him into conforming. Friends or clergy can’t shame him into it. Watching “Fatal Attraction” won’t keep him honest (even if it does scare him a little bit.) Tearful declarations that he will “never do it again,” won’t mean he is going to develop the kind of character it takes to stick to his commitments either.
So, if I could talk to Rose Castorini, I would tell her (very lovingly and sympathetically, of course, because she is married to an unfaithful, cheating heel) this: The question should not be: “Why do men chase women?” Rose, dear but “Why do women give their love to men who don’t deserve them?”
Now, that’s the real question.
Moonstruck written by: John Patrick Shanley. 1987 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.