Where do you start when you’re overweight and out of control with food?
Your first step must be taking back control of your eating. How are you going to accomplish this?
When I reached my lowest point, I didn’t think I had the strength to save myself. I was living a disgusting food nightmare. What started out as “the wrong reasons to eat,” went to strict controlled eating, which only ended up turning into a desperate eating frenzy. When it became apparent, that I put myself in a dangerous food situation, I knew I had to quickly change my path.
I was eating everything and anything in sight. I was spending all of my money on my binges. I became a food addict. I was one of those people that you hear about, who buy food at different stores, so I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I knew it was a huge problem. I needed to figure out the causes of my binges, as well as what I’d need to do to stop them from happening. My first thoughts, went towards prevention. How was I going to prevent my binges from happening?
I considered the following: What would happen, if I stopped starving myself? Wouldn’t that mean, that if I kept myself satisfied, I wouldn’t binge? After all, my binges were the result of my starvation. I was trapped in this cycle:
1) I kept my faith, that if I starved myself, I would quickly lose weight, and life would be wonderful. I always had thoughts in my head, if I could only starve for one month, I’d have an awesome body.
2) I’d eat so few calories for a few days, sometimes even lasting a week or two, but then I’d end up so hungry, I’d end up binging for days.
3) I was destroying my metabolism, and the starving, binging cycle, was making me fatter. My body was storing fat, and I ended up looking worse then ever.
4) I ended up with an eating disorder.
5) I grew deeply depressed.
6) I’d do anything to get rid of the food I ate during my binge.
7) I reached a point, I thought I was going to die.
These behaviors needed to stop! I knew how serious a problem this was and how dangerous this was. I knew, I had to choose life. I stopped living, the moment I allowed this to get this deep. My life spiraled out of control, and death was staring me in the face.
So, could I eat less of anything I wanted, while eating more often, and stop binging? Yes, it worked! I needed to put a stop to my behaviors, so I figured out a way to outsmart them. In the beginning, I ate whatever foods I was craving, which is “intuitive eating.” So, I didn’t worry about what was bad for me, I was more concerned about regaining food control. I ate from the moment I woke, every two hours, till the moment I went to sleep. I watched my portions, and they were essentially snack sized meals. A funny thing happened, I was satisfied. The binges stopped. I ate what I wanted, every two hours, and stopped binging. I figured out, I was saving almost 4,000 calories per day by not binging. I was spacing out my meals, allowing myself taste satisfaction, and most important, I satisfied my hunger before it could get so ravenous, that it would set off a binge.
Before thinking about anything else, I needed to stop binging. My goal was to lose weight, but I wasn’t going to get anywhere, without this as the first step. Once I learned about hunger, what it “really” felt like, how to put a rest to emotional or bored eating, how to outsmart my binging, etc., I could deal with anything else that was an issue. Food was destroying me, and this was how I ended up putting a stop to that. I was finally free from my own food torture. Step one(stop binging), allowed me to piece together my own weight loss journey. It was step one, that allowed me to add everything else into my life, which made me achieve weight loss success.
If you’re binging, have an eating disorder, or starving all day and eating just one huge meal per day, overcoming that, has to be your first step. Nothing else you do, will matter, without taking care of this first. You can do it. I thought I wouldn’t be able to, but I knew I had no other choice. I wanted to live. Step one gave me my life back. Because of that and all the other steps I was able to master, my journey is still going strong. I entered the worse stage of my life, but once I accomplished step one, I’ve never looked back. Its changed me, my life, and my relationship with food. For the first time in my life, I have a good relationship with food. I understand food now. I understand what drives people to eat. I stay one step ahead of everything that used to make me binge. I’ve figured it all out, and binging hasn’t been a part of my life since. I have a new and wonderful life today. I can cope with anything that comes my way. I don’t need to rely on food to deal with my feelings and hurts. I don’t need to starve anymore, especially since I know that’s not the way to lose weight. I learned so much, and I live it each day. It’s not hard at all. I can choose to live this new life, or die. I gladly embrace my new ways, as my new lifestyle.
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