As a stay-at-home mom for 12 years, I have grown accustomed to my lifestyle. Still, when the kids are at school, the quietness in our home is deafening. I turn on the TV or music to drown the company of silence. It is in these times that it would seem I would welcome the joyous pitter patter of a new child, one that would keep me company while my other two are at school.
My husband wants another child, preferably a boy. You see, he comes from a family that is predominantly women. His father has 10 siblings, but only one was able to produce sons. These two sons are tasked to carry the family name. My husband is 1 of the 2. His brother has a son. We don’t and here are a few reasons we won’t be trying for one.
Forever in Cancer Mode
I acquired Lymphoma at 36. It surprised us because I was the first in our family. If I had it, chances are my children have cancer cells woven in their genes. Colon Cancer also runs in our family. I was told by my Oncologist that my treatments can possibly create another form of cancer. If chemo caused all my hair to fall out, what else did it do to my body? I risk the chance of transmitting the effects of chemo and radiation to my future child. What that entails, I do not know, but I’m not willing to gamble to find out. Not only can I pass the effect, I am at a higher risk of miscarriages and early deliveries (3).
During family get togethers, common topics are about education. The tuition for University of Virginia is $8,500 per semester (1), plus $3,990 for rental of 1 single room (2). At our 1 income household, the ability to save for education costs, on top of everyday expenses, is not always attainable.
The Age of Pain
If I conceive a child now, I will be beyond 60 when my third child graduates college. Somehow, working until past 60 doesn’t looks so inviting. My husband was deployed to Afghanistan when my second daughter was 1 month old, and 4 months after we relocated to California. Without a support system, the 7 months he was gone took a big toll on my well-being. My husband is still active and deployable.
I come from a big family, as my husband, but time and certainly my body has changed. Having another child is wisely not in my favor.
1.Tuition and Fees. University Registrar University of Virginia. Retrieved on 5/8/14 from: http://records.ureg.virginia.edu/content.php?catoid=11&navoid=177#tuit_and_fees
2. Rental Rates. University Registrar University of Virginia. Retrieved on 5/8/14 from: http://records.ureg.virginia.edu/content.php?catoid=11&navoid=177#rent_rate
3. Having a Baby After Cancer: Pregnancy, Pregnancy After Cancer Treatment. Cancer.Net. Retrieved on May 8, 2014 from: http://www.cancer.net/survivorship/life-after-cancer/having-baby-after-cancer-pregnancy