The headline of an article should be as understandable as it is compelling. Unfortunately, sometimes things go awry–with hilarious results. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then here are a few words that could paint a thousand pictures:
Waterford boy 8, saves sister’s life: ‘I wouldn’t do it again. She’s been a pain this week.’ – More proof that no good deed goes unpunished.
Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 – We certainly hope so.
Alton attorney accidentally sues himself – This is apparently what happens to lawyers with too much time on their hands and no ambulances to chase. (Apologies to all you attorneys out there-couldn’t resist this one)
State prisons to replace easy-open locks – This is certainly a good idea since crime is the number one cause of incarceration in the US.
Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks – In journalism, seldom has there been so few words in a headline containing so much political incorrectness.
At times, journalists need to achieve a gripping headline that conveys the gist of the article in a few words. Of course, these attempts sometimes have rather comical results, for example:
City unsure why sewer smells – A good lead for a headline like this could be, “City officials are urging residents not to flush their toilets until they determine the source of the stench emanating from the sewers.”
Hooker named Lay Person of the Year – A good example where names, awards and context clash, with hilarious results… Sorry, Ms Hooker.
Mayor Parris to homeless: Go home – No comment needed.
There are also times when journalists opt for the extremely specific headline. These are designed to convey a large amount of information by allowing the reader to paint a mental picture of the overall story. Sometimes descriptions become a little too specific, painting some rather peculiar pictures:
Son of Westboro Baptist Church leader attacked on live TV by naked 500lb man who burst out of bathroom, sat on him and shouted: ‘Who’s your daddy now?’ – Let’s pause for a few moments to let this one sink in… … … Shall we continue?
Woman in sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in gay pub after she waved at man dressed as a Snickers bar – If your eyes are spinning around in your head and you suddenly feel the need for an aspirin, welcome to the club.
Man Crashes Car Into Church, Beats Pastor to Death with Electric Guitar – The only thing more bizarre than this headline would be one that reads, “Man who crashed car into church then beats pastor to death with electric guitar found dead in back of police car; authorities baffled.” For more on this one, click here.
Finally, here are a few no-brainer headlines along with some other hilarious one-liners. There is an old saying in journalism that states, “Writer may have, author may have, but bless the journalist who has his own editor.” Well, actually, I made that up but anyway, I leave you to ponder the meaning and share in the hilarity of these last few headlines. And reember, we may be jounlists but we ar only humman and wee make missteaks two. Enjoy!
Homicide victims rarely talk to police – Of course we shouldn’t let a little death get in the way of a thorough investigation, should we?
Utah Poison Control Center reminds everyone not to take poison – Good Idea.
Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons – Umm… okay.
Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says – Hey! Nike said it, not me.
Man accused of killing lawyer, receives new attorney – [Dramatic music playing in the background.] New attorney could not be reached for comment.
Porn star sues over rear-end collision – No comment.