Through the veils of intimate self-pity, lies all things beautiful.
I was feeling the weight of worry now for the past few days. Days without end seemingly taking their emotional and physical tole. Even though I do enjoy most dreamy rainy days, this day was cold, dreary, and very wet from a hard driven soaking rain, make me so much more aware of the aches and pains, the reason for this outing today. I was on my way to a doctor’s appointment to follow up on my ongoing physical recovery. Additionally, I was feeling an accompanying anxiety of mental anguish as I patiently tried to overcome being both unemployed and up to my ears in mounting medical bills incurring along the way. Coping without medical insurance at the start of it all only increased my anxiety, and, Once again, here I stood waiting to take the long and tedious bus ride to get to the doctor’s office.
The bus did finally arrive, but by then, I was already soaked to my socks. I proceeded onto the platform of the bus while keeping mindful of the slippery wetness of the narrow steps. The other passengers would be of the usual variety of sad, numbed-out and zombie-like, their faces staring back at me. I’d be lucky to get a seat. As I approached the entryway of the bus, I staked an eye on the only seat I saw available toward the front of the bus and second row just behind the driver seat. As I awaited my turn to approach and pay my way, I turned my head to the left. Through the Plexiglas wall I saw the long face of a young girl. She was stunningly beautiful, even through her sad and worrisome looking face. I guessed her age to be eighteen or nineteen years. Her complexion was like a new fallen ivory snow… no freckles, no blemishes, no past scarring. Not even a pore of her skin was visible. As I drew closer, and could see her face more clearly, what I did now see on her face were three artfully positioned piercings. A youthfully displayed expression of her individuality. The young girl seemed distracted in thought far away from the commotion around her. As I neared the driver to pay my fair, I couldn’t help but now glimpse the lavishly laced pink infant carriage positioned at the girl’s feet. The coach was large and looming in contrast to the narrow aisle of the bus, yet perfectly set in place like an adorned throne for a princess. The coach itself was of a purposeful design; large white wheels beneath a spiraling frame of shinny silver chrome with layers of pinkish lace billowing down in furls along both sides. As I was passing this surrealistic and still-life drama being played out before me, I had also to concentrate one eye steady on the seat I had staked out for myself just diagonal from the girl and the carriage. In my passing, I was able to glimpse down at the tiny infant lying within the coaches pretty protected walls. I guessed the infant to be of three or four months old with skin like a creamy light shade of mocha. Her large and beautifully hypnotic dark brown eyes were endowed with long dark lashes… the envy of all mother’s wishes. Her thick dark chocolate brown and bushy hair with its shiny tiny curls were secured neatly back from her little face with a dainty lacy pink bow headband. The tiny girl infant was wide-eyed, smiley and gitty. I could see her tiny arms and legs flailing about beneath her pink pastel colored baby blanket as she squealed happily.
As I took my place, I couldn’t help but stare at the sight of this young beautiful girl and the embellished carriage before her. How could I not take notice that the infant and the carriage were in direct disparity to the young girl’s own appearance. The girl was dressed neatly, taking an obvious pride in her own appearance. Her colorful attire could be described as “skater-girlish.” A term I take from the “older generations” library of mind. A word we use to describe a certain look of youth. She was obviously very tall in stature with an almost sculptured medium-slim body frame. Her hair was a coal black color, straight, and cropped short to her head with a jagged parting to the right side. Her bangs were held securely back with a small plain black bobby pin. Her black jeans were slim fitting down to the ankles and secured to her hips with an attractive wide black belt that had quite large open metal holes encircling its diameter. Her small tight tee shirt and matching jacket were snug and quarter-sleeved to just above the elbows. In neat contrast to her jeans, the bottom of the jacket just barely reached to the top of her belt. The girl was not to be ignored in plain sight, right down to the tops of her baby blue “Converse” brand sneakers and brightly colored socks, which perfectly complemented her shirt and jacket of pastel tones of pinks and yellows. Around her neck she wore a petite gold chain that held up the tiny heart pendant dangling at its end. The heart laid at the top of her chest like a piece of exquisite jewelry hanging from a neck-manikin displayed in a jewelry store window.
I was completely mesmerized by this impressive sight. Such an obvious visualization you don’t get to see too often while riding public transportation. I was beholden of this tall and beautiful young girl and her “skater-girlish” outward appearance and the pretty pink infant carriage holding its bubbly occupant wailing an infant’s song of joyful gratification. At my first glimpse of her, the girl displayed no facial expression until I watched her as she slowly turned her head, as if being summoned by a force to come back from her daze. As she gazed down at the happy little infant, I watched her face and her whole countenance change in an instant before me. I knew that their eyes had met. A chill did rise up in my spine. The girl and the infant carriage took on such a glow that everything around them seemed to fade away. There was nothing but the girl and the carriage. Again, not meaning to stare at this site, it was all I could do. How could I possibly look away from such a virtuous sight? I saw… in that moment, the girl and the infant share the same universe… a lone universe of which I had been given silent privy to behold. The young girl beamed with a total and unconditional love and devotion upon the infant. I saw… in that moment, a raw and pure love come out of her… a light untouched by all outside influences. I couldn’t stop if I might the energy of joy rising up directly from this light. My own tears did silently swell up from my heart… from the place where I keep them hidden.
The moment was brief, yet profoundly remembered. I had for an instant, forgotten my own pain and worries and shared in a joy so precious, I was paralyzed completely. I allowed all feeling to overcame me.
The spell was abruptly broken as the beautiful young girl reached up to pull the cord to announce her stop to the driver as we approached her destination. The girl then resumed her smile as she gently reached into the carriage to once again cover the infant with the blanket. The girl then secured the plastic covering over the entrance of the carriage to protect the infant from the chilly rain outside. I watched them intently as they made their leave. I watched the girl, the carriage and the over-sized pink umbrella move slowly down the street as the bus proceeded to move forward. I felt completely alone with myself and my own sadness that they were gone.
She thought she would walk in the rain today so no one could see her tears. ©