75% of black women are single mothers who are raising sons. There was a statement that Sherry Shepherd said about how women will have to get her approval to date her son. Right there that was a classic example of a black mother who is gradually emasculating her son with having that “I-think-I know-what-is-best-for-my-son” mentality. A lot of the emasculation black men are subjected to starts in childhood when the mother is coddling her son and doing what a mother normally would do, but continues this well into her son’s adult life after he’s reached an age that he should be standing on his own. This is why so many males by the time they reach their 20s, 30s, and even 40s are not behaving like men and most of them are fathering children out of wedlock with multiple mothers. A lot of this is fostered by a single mother who does not know when to step back and allow her son to be a man. Explains why the incarceration rate is so high among black men who were raised by single mothers.
The majority of single mothers feel they know what is best, but not for a man who’s an adult and should be treated like one. No man in his 20s, 30s, and 40s should still be living at home with their mothers when they need to be out here living on their own. That’s why many young black women have a hard time dating and marrying black men because he’s been conditioned by his mother to the degree that it’s not normal. When black mothers are told that they need to let go and let their son be a man it does not sit well with many mothers because again it comes back to that ‘I know what’s best for my son’ bit when it comes to their sons, yet it’s not normal for a mother to be coddling her son as an adult. This is where it affects a man getting a wife or having a relationship with a woman when his mom is constantly coddling him instead of making him stand on his own and to handle his business like a man.
Black women unfortunately have been left to raise their sons on their own when they don’t have the father(s) around. It makes little sense as to what is driving so many single mothers to continue a level of behavior that is not healthy and it has nothing to do with how its hard for black men to live in society. It’s harder when you have a mother who doesn’t know where her place is in her son’s life after a certain age. This is why so many women get fed up with her husband or boyfriend’s mother because the coddling and babying can be seen as ‘meddling’ or ‘interfering’ with the relationship.
The men who manage to break away from their mothers are the ones who have to let their mothers know that they have a problem with them meddling and interfering with their marriage or relationships and even going as far as to tell them how to raise their kids when they’re perfectly able to do so with their spouse or partner. What is not being said is that many black mothers have a hard time letting their sons go once they’ve become adults. Although, a mother becomes comfortable with coddling and babying her son when he’s a child, but what is unacceptable is when she’s continuing to do it after he is an adult. Men who are raised by these types of mothers will not mature and have a concept of life responsibilities and will just be ok living at home with someone going behind them and doing things for him that he should be taking care of himself. It’s a sad reality that black mothers are setting their sons up to be dependent on a woman to take care of them instead of him being a man and handling his duties as one.
For the countless women out here who are in relationships and marriages with men who have been coddled and babied by their mothers it’s time to set boundaries because many mothers feel they can still hold on to their sons like this when they need to face the reality that he’s a grown man and should be treated like one. It’s disturbing that mothers who do this after their sons get into their 20s, 30s, 40s, and older make it harder for him to settle down and become the man that his mate and society expects of him. For African-American women it’s another story since it goes back to racism and how black men were treated to want to protect their sons, but he never learned to stand on his own when his mother was always trying to shield him from the world.
A mother will always love her son, but when it gets to the point that she’s overstepping her bounds especially if her son is married or in a relationship that love can be detrimental. There are some things a mother should not be doing for her grown son if he’s got a wife or partner who he has a family and a home with one of them is visiting too much and constantly critiquing her son’s partner or spouse as to her ability to taking care of him. Beware of mothers who have that ‘No-woman-will-ever-be-good-enough-for-my-son’ mentality they’re the ones who really can’t let their son go and won’t hesitate to drive women away from her son to keep him close to her. That explains why some men don’t visit their mothers often and sometimes will even move a distance away so he can have a life without his mother’s meddling and interference. In the black community mothers are often revered for being “strong”, but their idea of being that can also be damaging to the relationship they have with their sons.
What will change is when women who are raising sons will know when it’s time to step back and allow their sons to become men by not coddling or babying them as teenagers and adults. Men setting boundaries with their mothers are likely to meet some resistance, but in the end it’s about being treated with respect as an adult and as a man. This is why some mothers will over time notice their sons don’t visit a lot and usually talk every so often because they don’t want to hear their mother saying things that could be offensive or negative about anything and everything. Mom may think she knows best, but after her son gets grown it’s best that she step back and allow him to be a man in control of his own life.