Arguments seem to happen every single day. Everyone has had an unpleasant experience with arguing that usually leads to hurt feelings and resentment. This usually happens because of the wrong tactics being used while trying to win an argument. Granted, it’s hard trying to stay objective while you’re emotions are running high, and sometimes it’s hard to even think about what to do in order to ease the situation. With practice, hopefully during your next argument you’ll be better in control where you can walk away with no feelings hurt. A few basic tactics is all you need in order to achieve this.
The problem with most arguments is those involved simply do not listen to each other to try and understand that person’s point of view. And it’s even harder to do this when emotions get in the way. People are so busy “listening” for their cue to respond, instead of listening to simply communicate effectively.
Don’t interrupt. This is hard for a lot of people, especially when you’re in a heated conversation and the other person says something that you emphatically disagree with. Whether you disagree or not isn’t the point. Let them speak on what they feel, and when it’s your turn, that person will give you their attention the same way you gave yours. It’s understandable that you feel the need to interrupt because you may lose your train of thought. If such is the case, calmly write down what you want to say, that way when it’s your turn, you can say exactly how you feel without the fear of forgetting what you wanted to say.
Don’t Raise Your Voice:
When you begin raising your voice during an argument, this will make the other person want to raise their voice also. This causes the argument to generate high emotions and it’ll escalate into something you didn’t want happening in the first place. Raising your voice solves nothing, so instead of getting louder, try to improve your argument or your point of view, so the other person can better understand why you feel the way you do.
Often in arguments each person feels as if they’re right on the subject. Usually one person is right and the other is wrong. If you feel you’re right, getting louder won’t help you prove it. And it’ll especially make the both of you look foolish if the both of you happen to be wrong because your argument is based on perception rather than reality.
Don’t Be a Smart Aleck:
This is the main thing that’s wrong with the attitudes of those who “know” they’re right, causing more hurt feelings. Being a smart aleck won’t improve your argument. All it’ll do is make you look insensitive, especially when there’s a certain degree of sensitivity needed during the argument. Aside from looking insensitive, it’ll contribute to strengthening the entire argument instead of diffusing it. So even if it’s tempting, try not to do it. Getting a smug attitude is also a no no. What will it solve? Be mature. That’s the only way to go.
Don’t Involve Other People:
No one wants to feel ganged up on, so don’t involve someone else or a group of people, especially when they have nothing to do with the situation. That will cause even more hurt feelings and maybe even friendships to end. Keep it between you and the person(s) involved. Aside from that, you’ll gain more respect if you can stand on your own in an argument rather than look pathetic “calling for backup.”
Know When to Agree to Disagree:
Sometimes in arguments, no one wins, and no one is proven right. The only thing that can happen is both parties expressing what they feel while each disagrees with each other. So, especially when it’s not a serious situation, let the argument end by agreeing to disagree. That way you’ll both effectively acknowledge each others points of view and can walk away respecting each other. When this is done, don’t restart the argument at another time. You don’t want to rehash anything causing yet another argument, unless you feel the need to speak on a change of heart.
Don’t Pretend You’re Perfect:
Everyone has flaws. No one is perfect, so don’t act like you have none. That won’t contribute to your argument, and it’ll cause people to become annoyed with you, and see your character as being arrogant. Confidence is one thing. Arrogance is another.
Point Out Areas You Agree On:
There will be times where both parties say something that each can agree on. Capitalize on that, which can help diffuse the situation. Focusing on those points will help you understand each other better, and can even cause one or the other to eventually agree with what you’re saying.
Arguments are never pleasant, and no one wants to be involved in one. If you find yourself in one that comes out of nowhere, try using these tactics to help you and the other person out. Remember the areas that should be avoided as well as the areas to focus more on. Hopefully it’ll help to not feel so rotten once the argument is finished.