Do working moms have it harder?
I feel like I can have an equal view on this subject since I’ve been on both sides of the coin for an equal amount of time (five years on each end). When I was a working mother, I remember visiting McDonald’s for lunch on a few different occasions. I would sit in the play area because that seemed to be the only room with any seating. I noticed several mothers who were there with their children and desperately wanted to be them. I wanted the financial freedom to stay home with my kids. I wanted to leisurely sip coffee while I watched my child amuse themselves. I wanted play dates and adult conversation without it having to pertain to doing any sort of “actual” work.
Is it a good idea to be a stay at home mom?
What I didn’t realize, was that the mothers “leisurely “sipping coffee were probably planning out what to make for dinner. They were probably agonizing over having to go home and clean or put the child down for a nap. They may have even been agonizing over their husband coming home from work and being tired himself and having to still care for the children because he’s too tired (more tired than you) because they worked all day (like you hadn’t). Maybe they had a doctor’s appointment that day where they knew the child wouldn’t sit still for the thirty minutes while they wait in the waiting room. Those mothers may have even been contemplating what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. Children don’t need your 24/7 care forever; they’re going to have to do something. They may have even felt worthless for not contributing to the household bills.
How being a working mother gives you a break from parenthood
When I was a working mother I would worry about my kids while I was working. A simple phone call to whoever was watching them would ease my mind and I would go on about my day. I would have two fifteen minute breaks and a lunch break; I could even pee by myself! I would go for walks, go to taco bell, and go pee, in silence. I would come home after a long day, eat dinner with my kids, give them a bath, read to them, and put them to bed (two and a half hours of parenting a day). The next morning while I got ready for work, they would still be in bed, and a sitter would be at my house before I left. I would jump in the car without a care, turn up the radio and leisurely sip coffee on my way to work. Every other Friday I had a pay check and 90% of it would go towards bills, but the other ten percent, that was mine to do something fun with my kids. I was proud of myself; I was saving for retirement, paying bills, accumulating sick and vacation pay, and paying towards health insurance for my kids.
Guilt will always be with you no matter what you decide
I always dreamt of being able to stay at home with my kids. I now have the pleasure of doing this. One thing I will say is you never get over the guilt no matter what your place is. If you’re at work all day you feel guilty that you can’t be with them all day. If you’re home, you think, I could give them so much more if I worked. Bottom line, you will feel guilty or that you have done something wrong until the day that kid becomes president, it’s normal.
Working moms and stay at home moms both love their kids equally
Working moms and stay at home moms all have one goal in mind and that is to care for her children. Kids need finances almost as much as they need emotional support, and it’s hard to provide both. Stay at home moms don’t provide financial support unless they are also being supported and believe it or not that’s hard. It’s hard to rely on someone else while trying to parent, even if it’s your husband.
The benefits to being a working mom
Working moms have a lot on their shoulders but there are few benefits to being a stay at home mom. The benefits of being a stay at home mom aren’t apparent until much later when the children have grown into beautiful human beings. Working moms see the benefits each time they get paid; accrue vacation and sick time; get a fifteen minute break; get to pee alone; get a lunch break; build a retirement fund; and have something that they can be proud of in addition to their children.
Do stay at home moms have the harder job?
So who has it harder? I may make a few people angry but stay at home moms definitely have it harder. I feel I have explained why, and I also feel that I have a neutral stand on the controversy because I have done both. Nobody needs to tell me on one end or the other which is more difficult, I have done both. That drive to work, is a break. Working with people your own age, is a break. Sitting in the house all day living in a young child’s world is a lot harder than anyone can imagine. Imagine not having anyone to talk to besides a four year old all day, and not being able to contribute to finances, it can be extremely difficult.
