I had it all planned out. I would make the big announcement at Thanksgiving, “I am so thankful Benjamin and I are going to have a baby!” Then Christmas rolls around. Still, only one pink line showed up on the pregnancy tests. Every month I was sure this was it. By February, we had gone through roughly five pregnancy tests. No luck. It looked like I was dealing with secondary infertility.
My husband and I already have three children from previous marriages. Three boys. I never seriously thought about adding to our family until one October night he rolled over and whispered in my ear, “Let’s have a baby.” Then, my heart was set on it. I pictured him adoring a little baby girl that combined the best of us and our love for one another.
Since we both already have children, I never pictured myself facing infertility. Now, at 35 years old, secondary infertility is staring me in the face. I started seeing my OB/GYN regularly when I got my first ovarian cyst. Knowing that these cysts can make it difficult to conceive, we were struggling over whether or not to give up. Emotionally and financially, we were not prepared to endure fertility treatments. On my first consult with the doctor, I asked what we were doing wrong. We were tracking my fertility on a fancy iPhone app, but she recommended a few things that might be more helpful:
- Have sex every other day for higher sperm count on days 10-20 of my cycle
- Quit smoking
- Start taking prenatal vitamins
She also said there were some simple tests that were relatively inexpensive:
- A blood test could tell me if I was even ovulating
- The infamous sperm count test! (Translation: Husband, Small Room, Porn)
- I could take a pill that induces ovulation
All of these options are in the hundred dollar range, so my doctor’s recommendation was to try the simple tests if I’m still not pregnant in six months. Some days it doesn’t bother me. The times I’m being pulled in seven different directions, I think I’m glad I don’t have an infant crying in my ear with a dirty diaper to change. Other days, when Benjamin is cuddling a relative’s baby, my heart skips a beat. What if that was our baby he was holding?
Overall, I’ve decided to be happy with the three boys I am beyond blessed to have. Still, there is the lingering daydream about finally being able to make that announcement this Thanksgiving, “I am thankful to announce that we’re having a baby!”