For the last time you have stabbed me in the heart, with your sharp pointy words;
The sadness you cause is deeper than a bottomless pit at the end of the earth.
You do it so easily, with such matter of fact and certainty; carelessly sliding the knife into my open flesh like it were butter on a slice of toast.
You have no remorse, because of course it was not your fault. Your inflictions of pain were a direct result from the actions of others, and even though you are sorry, it is justified.
Sorry….a repeated word of a million times…..no longer penetrates the mind only bounces off the ears that have been long closed to your apologies. They no longer have any value, much less a place in my heart. Lies…all lies…only words that are longing to be heard, but there are no words of meaning left anymore.
Tears still fall, because the sadness is so great; its a sadness of a huge burden that has been carried for way too long. A burden that slides down my cheek, leaving a slow torturous trail….scarring on it’s way down, leaving a track filled with years of hopeless, meaningless pain. Don’t you know I would have taken away all of your pain? I have absorbed so much of it, and made it my own already…..but it has become overwhelming……so overwhelming that I am numb and broken, broken into so many pieces that I no longer smile, not really. The pieces have become scattered remnants of what used to be me, and many of the pieces have been lost forever.
What was it for? The knowledge that even though you love me, I would always be second to your drug? Knowing you can stop at any time but chose not too, is worse than not being able too. Nothing hurts worse than not being enough, I’m tired…so tired…of not EVER being enough…..It ends now, the excuses, the lies, the manipulations, the judgment, the blaming, the anguish, the abuse, and mostly the disappointment, for it is the greatest torture of them all. As the tears continue to fall, today, they are for peace, and no longer for the pieces of me that belong to you, I have taken them back, you do not deserve them.