One of the things that most people do not know about me is that I suffer from depression. I have tendencies to have suicidal thoughts or actions from time to time. If you want to fight the suicidal thoughts and I hope you do, then here is a great suggestion that has worked for me.
I created this box that I call my “toolbox.” I only get this out when I am feeling my worst, and there is no help. Maybe I am waiting for my spouse to get home or my therapist to call. I only use this in desperate times. The reason this box is only used in desperate times is because it simply will not work if you use it regularly. You want to save the best tools when you need them the most. This is a tool that needs to be done before hand – it will not work to go around desperately trying to find things to use to keep you in a safe place. The created toolbox will be the tool that you go to when you need it. Go ahead and start planning yours now.
This is what I put in my toolbox – all my favorite things!! This can include your favorite gum, candy, or anything that can go into mouth that would be considered food and will not spoil in a quick amount of time. Maybe it is chips or nuts. Also I keep a ball that I found at a store that actually has a hole in it with a scent you can smell. I love that ball, and I save it for when I am desperate. I also keep a list of my favorite scriptures. Maybe scriptures are not your favorite things, but you have items that you like to look at or read possibly your most favorite quotes, jokes, or sayings. Something to let you reflect, give you a small laugh, etc. When writing things down you can even include stuff like funny stories. You do not have to write the whole story down. Just stuff like “Do you remember when……” just enough there to bring the really neat times in your life that were funny. Maybe these are events that you shared with a friend, a relative, or just yourself. I know this is not something you create when you are depressed, however there are times in life that you can do this. If you cannot have a brother, sister, or friends write some things down or even create this box for you. Your kids would probably be great to put a box together for you – it would even make it more special when you open it up.
Also, I keep crossword puzzles, word finds, etc. in my box. Sometimes, I’m not in the mood for these, but you never know. I keep a craft in my box, some silly putty, and some play dough. Are you getting the hint? I am sure you are. No one’s box is going to be like someone else’s because we are all unique individuals. Make it special or let someone else make it special.
You can also use YouTube as part of your toolbox. Sign up for an account just for these times we are talking about here. If you do not want to do that then just put in your favorites ones that are just to friggin funny you cannot stop laughing or they are so truly beautiful they make you cry. Only view these while you have your toolbox out as an addition source. However, do not allow yourself to go places on the internet that would make matters worse.
Why do we want to do this? Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I promise that it is only temporary. It might seem like depression, problems, unemployment are things that will last forever, but they will not. It might be a disability that has happened, an illness, or something real tough to deal with, however with time we learn to deal with those things and life can go on.
I can also tell you by experience that suicide hurts others. Those that are left behind have a deep wound that is almost impossible to heal. No matter how bad your pain is, it is not fair to make other people suffer from your loss. However, I am not a counselor or a therapist, but I have been suicidal. My story says it gets better. Why don’t you get your toolbox ready for the next time you need it. Remember to save it for those most desperate times in life that is temporary even when it does not seem like it. If you are unable to hold on for help, please call 911.