Of all of the things I have ever been through in my entire life I would have to say that my divorce was the hardest. I wanted the marriage to end. I knew it had to for the sake of our children but somehow the experience was still absolutely heartbreaking.
18 years…
We had been together for 18 years. All we did was fight. He was not a faithful man by any means. He did what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it. At times he was even abusive. So why did I mourn the marriage once it was over?
The grieving process…
There is a period of grieving after divorce. It’s not that your grieving the loss of your spouse. It’s that you grieve what you knew. Even if your marriage was not healthy, or was not what you wanted it was what you knew. Normal flies out the window after divorce. You life changes. You live alone, you raise your kids alone. It’s all different. Change can be scary at first. After a few months though you will find that it’s a change for the better. You will be happier.
Seeing your ex with someone else…
Oh, it hurts. Even if your didn’t want to be with him or her, seeing them with someone else is devastating. It makes you question so many things. Why it didn’t work, how they are happy when the two of you weren’t, etc. You have to expect though that your ex will move on. They won’t stay single forever and there will come a point where you will see them with someone else. Don’t think about it too much.
Learning to live again…
After you go through all of the emotions of grieving, loss, sadness, anger, and even guilt you will be able to begin to live again. Don’t expect to get through a divorce without feeling at least some of these emotions. Don’t keep it all inside either. It’s normal and natural to feel these things. Write in a journal, talk to a close friend, do whatever you can to work through the emotions in a healthy way. Once you have worked through all of the emotions you can begin to rebuild your life. Live for you, and your children. Each day is a brand new day. Embrace it for what it is. Look to the future not towards the past.
Moving on after divorce…
If you were with your ex for a long time it will probably take you a long time to move on. However, when you feel ready moving on is a great way to get past the divorce. Don’t jump right into a relationship. Take it very slowly. Just makes friends, get the know other people. It will help you to realize that you won’t be alone forever, and that your ex wasn’t the only fish n the sea.
