Depressed, out-of-work actors tend to put on weight. That’s why you’ll find this article so useful. We know it’s been a year since your last callback and you’ve probably put on 25 or 50 pounds. Well, snap out of it! That special phone call that can make your career is only days away, we’re sure. So start shedding the pounds the way celebrities do:
- Watercress: Eat it raw or in soups. Elizabeth Hurley lost ten pounds in a week eating nothing but watercress. If it was us, we would add some caffeine to stave off hunger pangs, but to each her own. Elizabeth drank six cups of soup a day. She likes it because it is fat-free and calorie-sparse. To spice it up, she may throw in an onion, salt and pepper. When she is really feeling spicy, she will use chicken stock instead of water. Just one thing, don’t get between Elizabeth and a ladies room – that’s a lot of liquid!
- Face Diet: Kate Winslet believes that your facial shape dictates the best diet for you. This is how Kate got her fabulous figure back after pregnancy. The diet analyzes your face, including pores, wrinkles and facial hair. In ancient Egypt, they read entrails to make decisions, so this certainly makes as much sense. For instance, the diet says you should avoid dairy if you have puffy cheeks. If your nose is red and shiny, avoid white flour but eat your oats. Rudolf, take note!
- Bleak Diet: That’s what Mariah Carey calls it. Eat bland preparations of soup and fish until you don’t feel like eating anymore. Avoid all fats and seasonings. The trick with this diet is to lose the weight before you shoot yourself.
- Vinegar: In a shot glass, three times daily. Make believe its scotch as you gag it down. Fergie swears by this diet, though we prefer our vinegar in a salad. You drink a shot and then have your meal. Apparently, the nausea will cause you to eat less.
- Oil of Grapefruit: You have to squeeze a lot of grapefruit skins to extract a meaningful amount of oil. That’s just what some smart person thought to do, and you can buy it by the vial, just like Carmen Electra does. She sniffs it before a meal, and claims to lose most of her appetite after a snort. We think it makes more sense to rub it on your fat belly, but, as ZZ Top admits, we might be mistaken.