I wanted to be a Rap God!
I awoke in a cold sweat the other night or perhaps it was a hot sweat who knows. All I do know is my sheets were pretty moist and my wife wasn’t very happy and she also wondered why I awoke with a huge smile on my face. It was a Monday for god’s sake and as always the weekend flew by like a combination from Floyd Mayweather. Fast! When my wife turned to me and said “Why are you so happy”? I quickly replied “I’m just happy to wake up next to such a beautiful and caring women”! (Brownie points? Not likely). After the pssssssst anyway comment I laid back down, closed my eyes and relished in the dream.
The crowd was going wild! It was like an old school WWF event and I felt like Hulk Hogan stepping out onto the stage while everyone chanted my name. Khari, Khari, Khari! I ripped my shirt off and threw it into the ocean of people as I watched a group of women fight over it like it was the last pair of Gucci shoes in the entire universe. I pounded a few good friends who were also on stage I mean what’s a rapper without his entourage. That’s like peanut butter without jelly cornflakes without the milk. Jay Z without Beyonce and Kanye West without himself. I grabbed the mic, gave my DJ a thumbs up and started flowing.
“She’s so omnipotent. Got me feeling insignificant. Brush the dirt off your shoulders seen. She walks around like a beauty Queen. I follow her like a lost dog. Man this chick is a lost cause. Got me stuck in this movie scene . A 10 plus in those tight jeans”.
Now this part I sing because obviously I can rap and also sing remember I am a Rap God and of course I bring the finest chick on stage and sing to her.
“Girl I love you and it hurts in my brain. She’ll drive any man quiet insane. In love with the money and the jewels and the clothes don’t you know with a little”
“Hellllllllllllllllllo the annoying I mean beautiful voice screamed out from down stairs. If I miss this train I’m going to be late and I thought you said you had to be to work by 7:30”? “God Damit! Just when things were starting to get interesting”! I whispered to myself while praying my wife’s ability to hear a pin drop in another country for once failed and she didn’t just hear me say God Damit. “What did you just say”? She quickly replied with a bit of anger in her voice. “Uh I said I’m coming” I answered back with my voice cracking like a 16 year old going through puberty. While quickly getting dressed I thought to myself this isn’t the way a Rap god should live. Right now I should be on an exotic island with at least 4 gorgeous women at my beckon call. One to feed me grapes. One to give me a massage at any given time. Another who rolls my —- and one who sings me sweet lullabies each and every single night. I would have 5 to 10 friends with me who praise just about everything I do from tying my shoelace “God Dame he can tie a shoelace”! To picking my nose. “Son! The way you put your finger up your nose and pick! I swear kid I’ve never seen anyone use such skill and dexterity”! Life would be my oyster! We’ve all seen the pictures of how the rich and famous live. While the rest of us are stuck at work and getting belittled by our bosses the stars of the world are usually island hoping or shopping or both at the same time. Who wouldn’t want this life and this my friends I realized was indeed the life for me at a very young age.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The year was 1985 (God I’m getting old!) and my father had just arrived home from work. It was a particularly hot summer day and I had just finished fishing with a few of my friends. As I started heading home I saw my dad huffing and puffing while walking down the street. I ran up to him as any young boy excited to see his father would and my father although obviously exhausted and covered in sweat tried his best to muster a smile. “Hi Dad”! I shouted with excitement in my voice. “Hi son” he replied while gasping for air. “Did you have fun today”? He asked while pulling out a handkerchief to wipe off his sweat covered forehead. “Did I? We went fishing and rode our bikes. We played baseball and I made the most amazing catch”… As I reminisced about my fun filled day my father’s face slowly started to turn as if he were thinking to himself “Man those were the days and why oh why did all the fun have to stop”?
Later that night I overheard my father complaining about his job and how his boss was such a jerk and also the fact that the bus broke down and he had to walk almost 2 miles to get home and the absolute worst part was the very next morning while I had plans to go outside and play bounty hunter my poor father had to get up and do it all over again. I was only 13 but it was at that very moment I told myself the only way out so to speak was to become a rap god and if I wanted to achieve this dream I had to start now!