Trust has to be earned. When ever you put your trust into someone or something you are making yourself vulnerable. All to often people are deceptive, unkind, and even fake. It’s hard to know what or who to trust, especially if you’ve been hurt before.
Not all people are the same…
Just because you have been burned in the past doesn’t mean that everyone you trust in the future will do the same. Everyone is different. If a person in a past relationship broke your trust it may be hard for you to trust anyone in future relationships. That’s understandable, but, you have to remember that no two people are the same.
Trusting someone who has broken your trust…
To put trust back into a person who has already proven to be untrustworthy is a very hard thing to do. Say, for example, it’s your spouse that broke your trust. If you want the marriage to work you will have to find a way to trust them again. You need to ask yourself if whatever your spouse did was just a one time mistake or if they are likely to do it again. If they say, and you believe, it was just a one time thing it’s best to try to put your trust back into them, as hard as that may be. If you feel that the offense will be repeated and that you will not be able to ever trust them again then honestly maybe it’s time to consider ending the relationship.
Trust can be earned…
If you truly want to be able to trust the person who has broken your trust it will require forgiveness, and time. You must forgive the person before you can begin to re-build your trust. Once you have made the choice to forgive them have a heart to heart with that person. Say something like “Look, you really hurt me when you broke my trust. If you want me to trust you again you have to prove to me that you can be trusted.” You have every right to require the person to earn your trust back. If the person truly cares about the relationship, and about you, they will be happy to prove that they are going to be trustworthy.
Trusting your children…
Sometimes it’s not a spouse or partner that breaks your trust. Sometimes it’s your own child. This happens a lot with teenagers. They promise that they are only going to do this, then they do that. They swear they’re only going here, then they go there instead. Parents should be very cautious when trusting teenagers. A teen who has gotten away with something once will likely do it again. If you catch your teen doing the opposite of what they promised they would or would not do it is VERY important to call them out on it. Use some sort of form of discipline to let them know that what they pulled was not okay. Ground them from the car, or from going out until they realize that they must be truthful. It’s okay to be suspicious after a teen has broken your trust. It’s also okay to require proof of what they will be doing, and where they will be going. Talk to their friends’ parents if need be. Your teens friends’ parents are likely to understand exactly why your asking and will most likely be glad you asked.
