Do you ever wonder if some of the characters on your favorite TV shows–probably not your favorite characters, necessarily–suffered some sort of genetic hiccup that cannot be explained by science? Or whether they might have been the victim of some sort of Frankensteinesque experiment that took place before the events of the show began that went terribly wrong and resulted in them becoming stupefied doofs? The topography of so-called Reality TV is an unceasing arrangement of genetically inherited simplemindedness, but I’m talking about fictional TV characters. Okay, I’m talking about obviously fictional TV characters who clearly seem to be groundbreaking in the sense that they were an attempt to portray how successfully people deemed to be utterly deficient in intellectual capabilities can assimilate into society.
For instance, nothing anyone could possibly say could ever begin to convince anyone who has ever watched “The Andy Griffith Show” that the character who goes by the unlikely name of Goober Pyle is not almost uniquely underprivileged when it comes to an abundance of brain cells. Perhaps one of the cars he was fixing up one day fell down fully upon his head. Seriously, Goober Pyle from “The Andy Griffith Show” may well be the single most thick-headed person to ever ascend to the status of regular character on a TV series. He makes his cousin Gomer look like some weird offspring of Helen Keller and Albert Einstein by comparison. If ever there was a TV character who clearly seems to be an attempt by network executives to show that assimilation into mainstream society by even the most intellectually-impaired is possible. Either that or he’s simply an idiot savant capable of repairing automobiles like a genius at the expense of meeting every other intellectual exercise like a person who normal brain was removed by Frankenstein and replaced with the brain of one A.B. Normal. Just how obtuse is Goober? In one episode, he falls for a prank involving a dog and a walkie-talkie and actually makes plans to quit his job and manage the world’s only talking dog.
One might well have assumed that Goober Pyle was merely intended to be a basic representation of the view of those who live South of the Mason-Dixon line. Goober is certainly more of a stereotypical hillbilly than the comparative paragons of wisdom occupying a certain mansion in Beverly Hills on another 1960s TV series. The general view among many Americans of the intrinsic lack of intelligence among the offspring of those who occupied slave-owning states does not account for the representation of insensate intellect exhibited by the character of Kelso on “That 70s Show.” On the other hand, Kelso does seem tailor made to support the argument that heavy consumption of marijuana does damage brain cells. While one may well argue that Goober’s lack of a highly conceptualized critical thinking process lends credence to the argument that being nurtured by Dixie society leads to such a lapse, it seems equally true that Kelso is a spot-on representative of an inescapable truism: those who smoke pot the most seem the least capable of quick or deep thinking. Where Kelso’s Frankenstein-gone-wrong example differs from Goober is in his abundance of dumbness is in his ludicrously enhance stupidity being best observed as a cohesive and unified de-evolution experienced over the course of the show. Consider Kelso as an example of bottomless ignorance more along the lines of Potsie Webber on “Happy Days” that the introductory imbecility of Goober.
The history of TV is littered with genetically daft blondes. From Gracie Allen’s character to Rose on “Golden Girls” as well as those who came before and those who came after. But the truth is that you can pick any number of blonde female ditzes from TV history and they all look like Rhodes Scholars in comparison to Kelly Bundy. If Goober and Rose had figured out how to procreate, the result might well be Kelly Bundy. Her only claim to intellectual advancement would her her rebellious staking out of promiscuity as way to differentiate herself from the conservative nature of Goober and Rose. And, indeed, one should not make light of the connection between Kelly Bundy’s promiscuity and her lack of intellectual gifts. Indeed, Kelly Bundy is perhaps the most truthful fictional representative of the reality of the perspective toward the deeply obtuse. One need not even write another word on that matter other than these two: dumb floozies.