Albany, New York. 1978. I was 13. I had three younger siblings, all girls. My mother worked at a dry cleaners and my father had been a school bus driver for the city for over 20 years. He took care of us. He provided. He worked hard, often extra shifts and even took side jobs to make ends meet. He wasn’t home a lot, but when he was, I usually tried to avoid him.
How Your Father’s Love Changes You, or Doesn’t
By the time I was in my teens, I knew my relationship with my father was not normal. My friends had fathers who played with them, supported them and often encouraged them with things like sports or their educations. They took trips with them. They had fun with them. They joked around with them. My father didn’t do any of those things. He also showed favoritism to my three younger sisters.
You Have To Overcome Things You Cannot Control
The older I got, the angrier I got at my father, but I never showed it. After I went off to college, we rarely spoke. He would offer up only the most restrained congratulations of my accomplishments. He attended my college graduation, but said not a word to me while he chatted up old friends and even some of my friends. When I got married, he was there, but once again, he said nothing to me.
It Was Finally Time To Confront Him
With my first child along the way, I knew I could not handle my father’s chilly presence around my own son. I had to finally say something, and lay down the rules for the future. I didn’t want him treating me poorly in front of my son. That was my main objective. I didn’t really plan on telling him how I felt about him, just that I wanted him to know I wouldn’t allow him to be cold and disrespectful to me around my family any longer.
When I finally confronted him, I was very matter-of-fact. I did not get emotional. After I laid out for him what I expected – for him to show basic respect toward me and communication in front of my family – he stood there and stared at me for a moment. His eyes began to dart. He started to look away. I asked him if he understood what I just told him. He quietly said yes. He then walked away with his head down.
A week later I received a letter from him. He apologized for how he had treated me all of those years. He confessed his own father, my grandfather (who had never met as he died before I was born), had also treated him the same way. His father had treated him coldly, in an aloof manner, and rarely spoke to him. So he did it to me. He said didn’t know how to stop being that way. He said once he started being that way, he didn’t know how to change and felt horrible for it.
My Advice On How To Handle A Distant Father
After that letter, we began to talk and repair decades of friction and awkwardness between us. Everything changed, everything turned around. We began to do things together. We attended sporting events. I know consider my father my best friend. I don’t hate him. I’m not mad at him. I understand he was treated poorly and he wasn’t able to break the cycle, but now he has been able to, because I finally confronted him, and I did it in a calm way that gave him a chance to gather his thoughts. That is why I recommend for anyone who wants to confront their father, do it in a very calm manner. Don’t be emotional. Be civil. And give your father time to process it. Let them go and think about it, and hope and pray they come back to you.