Would you rather be treated like Secretariat or a rented mule? Of course that one is easy; let us begin. That special (mare’s) lady’s birthday can be a memorable occasion for both of you. Here are a few tips to keep you out of that lonely stall in the barn.
All women appreciate thoughtful gifts, but here a few well-intended ones to avoid on her birthday:
A salad shooter. This gift makes sense because it makes life in the kitchen easier for her! Not so, Old Paint. Your sweetheart would more appreciate choosing a salad at a nice restaurant on her birthday than making her own. Paw the ground twice if you get my drift.
A puppy. Aw, who could resist a cute little puppy? We all love puppies, but her view may be a little different from yours on this one. She looks at 8-10 years of cleaning up poop, care, and feeding as less than a sweet gesture from you. Unless she drops a subtle hint like, “I want a puppy”, avoid birthday pets.
Lingerie. It is time to turn off the Victoria Secret channel and get real. Here’s a little secret Hoss… Those models are not what you think. They are churned out at the Victoria Secret Farm where they are starved skinny, brushed, and pampered every day. What kind of skill is “runway walking” when you come home hungry and just want a hug or a nice warm meal? Also, buying lingerie can blow up in your face. If you buy a Medium and you should have bought an XL, or vice versa; you will pay.
A picture of yourself. The only thing worse than this would be giving her a cruise to Argentina with your best friend. Try framing your favorite picture of her with a sweet note attached. Click on the 2 in the “(12)” above the picture at the top of this article. Do it now.
A DVD movie. This is like giving the gift of hamburger instead of steak! Get off your wallet and take her to the movie theatre. Make it her choice. You can watch Die Hard XII when it comes out on cable. Hint: If you want to find out what it feels like to be a stud service stallion (who doesn’t), after the movie buy her that steak too. Let the rodeo begin!
A ring. This one can be a little dicey. You need to think this one through. So much depends on where you are with that special person on the romance scale. Just dating, nada… you are smothering her, and you might get your heart broken ASAP. If you are in a committed relationship or married, congratulations, with that ring you just won The Kentucky Derby!
Did you see that late 60’s movie, “They Shoot Horses, Don’t They”? Well… they do, so use some good ole Horse Sense when you go birthday shopping for that special lady in your life.