Perhaps your spouse had head trauma from an accident, was or is an alcoholic or addict, has side effects to medication, been diagnosed with dementia, PTSD( Post traumatic stress disorder), or is recovering from a stroke. Whatever the reason, the husband who vowed to love and cherish you, now has you wondering if he loves you or loves you not.
There are days when he is sweet, kind and everything you desire in a spouse. He may tell you how beautiful you are, and how much he appreciates you. A day comes however, when something insignificant triggers him, he is off his meds, craving drugs or alcohol, or as my grandma would say, the moon changed. A once stable individual now behaves as if he is paranoid/schizophrenic.
Your partner is shifting between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, bringing to mind the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, which begins: There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of he forehead. When she was good she was very very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid. The man who has been good, now is cursing, nit picking, baiting or accusing you falsely, and become oh so horrid.
According to Clinical Psychologist John Duffy, PHD., when mental illness is involved, it takes charge and directs the course of a relationship between a couple The same can be said of drugs and alcohol. A few years ago, local police were called to a home where a man came to his door with a knife in hand. The police shot him, and he died.
Later the wife said, her husband was usually kind and considerate, but his behavior changed after he smoked crack cocaine. She had called local law enforcement, in hopes they would help her spouse calm down. He had been shouting, at and threatening her and would not stop. She desired peace, not for her husband to die.
Far too many wives, live life as if on egg shells,trying not to trigger spouses who may become violent, suicidal, or threaten murder. I am not referring to wives who married bad boys and try to change them. These are women who marred men who later changed, sometimes through no fault of their own.
If you are dealing with such a situation, and it is not life threatening for you, and you decide to stay in your marriage please look into appropriate support groups. Al-anon, Nar-anon are for families of addicts an alcoholics. There should also be help that is geared towards specific physical and mental illness diagnosis.
Ask your physician, or mental health counselor for referrals. if your spouse is a veteran dealing with Post Traumatic stress, your local VA hospital should have counseling and coping techniques for you both. Most of all use wisdom. If you know certain things you say or do will cause problems, please avoid them. And if you believe your lie is in danger,quickly remove yourself from the situation.
Most importantly, make the most of the good days. Use those for quality time with your spouse, or relaxation.If possible get your husband to join you in a walk, as walking has been shown to improve mental status. When his behavior has you feeling he loves you not, recall a recent memory of when he told you or showed you he loved you, and hold on to it.