I married my ex husband when I incredibly young. I thought that he was all that I would want for the rest of my life. For the first five years we were blissfully happy, we never fought, and he was very attentive and kind. I never imagined that he would eventually become mentally abusive.
My ex husband was a very “go go” type of person. He is constantly on the go and never slows down. About five years into our marriage right after the birth of our daughter, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and I was no longer able to keep up. I was constantly told that I was worthless, lazy, and an unfit mother. He would do nice things for me, like cook dinner, only to hold it against me later. He would make me feel bad for having to go the doctor or physical therapy, so therefore, I a lot of times didn’t go.
The abuse got so bad, that one day, I started having non epileptic seizures. I was immediately sent to a psychiatrist, who sent me into therapy. My therapist just thought that I was having seizures because of my messed up childhood and the Fibromyalgia. It wasn’t until after we separated that I confessed all the things that my ex had said and done. After we separated, not only did my pain get better, but I have not had a seizure since.
Even though I am now divorced from him, I still have after affects from the abuse. I constantly say I’m sorry, because I said it so much for so long. I feel like people are going to mad at me, therefore I have ruined and jeopardized many of my relationships. I feel like I can’t do anything right; therefore I am always questioning myself. After the separation, I was forced to move back in with my parents because I didn’t have any where else to go. One day, I was in a lot of pain, and my mom was helping me with my daughter, and I was constantly telling her that I was sorry. She finally took me by the face and said, “I am not your husband baby, quit apologizing.”
My advice for those of you that are recovering from any kind of abusive relationship is to surround yourself with positive people. People that uplift you, and make you feel adequate. Also, consider seeking professional help. This step will be terrifying. I hate talking about my feelings, but in the end, it will help, and you will be surprised with how naturally the words will come out. If you are in an abusive relationship and don’t know how to get out, contact your local women’s shelter if you are a women, and they will give you advice. There are many resources on the web for you to look into as well.
Just always remember that the scariest part is taking the first step, after that, it may still be hard, but believe me, it will be easier than staying. I know that you don’t believe it now, but you are strong enough to get through this. Good luck!