Ladies and Gentlemen, you may think you have dating all figured out, but you don’t. It may be easy for you to think that taking a one-size-fits-all approach when dealing with the opposite sex (or event the same sex), and yet if it were that simple, you’d have someone by now. We all have our likes, dislikes, quirks, and downright annoying habits. In the dating and relationship world, there are just some things that those of us who are socially impaired should try to avoid doing and a type of person we should avoid being at all costs.
1. The Sharer. The sharer is the type of person who thinks that the first date is the perfect time to lay it all on the line. Everything from their first wisdom tooth extraction to the last restraining order they got on an ex is put out on the table with the filet mignon that other party wishes they had now ordered to-go. You may feel like being open and honest is the correct approach to go, and in some cases it most definitely is, but there is a fine line between being honest and overloading someone with information, especially when you barely know each other. There are just some things that can wait until date number 3… or your 10 year anniversary.
2. The Narcissist. “I don’t know why my relationships never work out. I’m such a great person.” “I went to Harvard and then studied abroad.” I… Me… Myself; just a barrage of self-indulgent, self-important anecdotes that keeps the attention squarely on you and your accomplishments. When someone asks you about yourself, don’t take it as carte blanche to compose your autobiography and then make no effort to get to know the other person. Or – and I cannot stress this enough – do not take everything your date has to say and turn it into some segue back into something that happened to you that the story reminds you of. Not only is it a cheap move, it lets the other person know where your interests truly lie: yourself.
3. The Pessimist. We get it. You’ve been hurt before. You’ve been on dates, you had a great time, saw some great potential, but then you never got that phone call for a second date. Every person you’ve ever dated was a cad, a monster, an opportunist, a gold-digger, a freeloader, and just about every type of person that can make you give up completely on humanity. Well, guess what? Wipe the slate clean when you get back out there and don’t be afraid to take a risk. Because what you don’t want is such a jaded and nihilistic view on relationships that it becomes impossible for anyone to want to be around you, let alone date you. Bringing your old baggage to each new potential connection only further serves to keep your membership active in the Forever Alone club.
4. The Pleaser. This type is what I would call The Pessimist if they went in a completely opposite direction. The Pleaser, like The Pessimist, has been hurt many times before and thinks that he or she has it all figured out: next time, I’ll compromise or just say yes to everything to keep them happy. This mentality sets people up for a world of hurt because they are so willing to sacrifice their own happiness in order to be in a relationship… any relationship. Not to mention, Pleasers are often disrespected, as there is virtually no incentive for the other person to respect them, on account that they offer little to no resistance and are so desperate to be loved, they are willing to do degrading things. Granted, Pleasers might actually get that second date, but if you had any self-respect, you’d ignore your phone and seek some real guidance on loving yourself a little more.
5. The Crazy Person. If you’re this person, there may not be much hope for you. You’re the type of person who forms deep and lasting bonds with someone you only met 5 minutes ago. You cannot handle the slightest bit of rejection without going off the deep end. You regale your dates with stories of how you would drive past your ex’s house every night for months on end as though you’re talking about a game of tiddlywinks. You make intimidating gestures and appear menacing when you think the other person is not interested. In other words, you’re the type of person that The Sharers had to get restraining orders against. Now given, there are those who would fall under the broader umbrella of “eccentric” or “a free spirit”, but really, who are we kidding? Those are just fluffy pillows to cushion the “crazy” label. If this term suits you the best, the lack of a second date is the least of your problems. In fact, you might want to take the silent phone as a good thing and be lucky the police haven’t knocked on your door.
Tailoring your approach to the dating and relationship world comes with the territory, and what works for some may not work for others. At the same time, there are just some approaches that should not ever be embarked upon, and certain types of people who may be rocking the Single relationship status on Facebook for a hot minute. In any case, take that time to work on yourself and better your life in hopes of landing that potential mate.