Like countless men before me, an ex-girlfriend talked me into trying a juice cleanse diet. She was blonde, attractive and persuasive, and I thought if she looks like that doing cleanses, then maybe…
Hindsight now hints that she owed her fitness to metabolism more than anything. At the time, taking this detox diet (comprised of fresh orange juice, carrot juice, a V8 mix of juices and lukewarm water) seemed like a good idea. Boy, was I wrong.
Here are the five things I wished I knew before trying it:
1.) The average person doesn’t get enough protein.
I weigh about 215 pounds, and a guy my size going to juice for three days isn’t a good idea. The first day I was just hungry, but by the second I was simply weak. I wanted to sleep all day and when I stood up too fast, my head swam. My ex-girlfriend said this was normal. Any diet that makes you feel that weak isn’t normal, largely because there’s almost no protein in it. Three days without protein equals lightheadedness and fatigue. That’s not healthy.
2.) Hunger turns to HUNGER.
When someone says they are “starving,” it usually means they haven’t eaten for a few hours. After my juice cleansing diet, I now know what starving really feels like. It feels like a withered, cold stone where your stomach used to be. Every thought morphs into food. I remember a dream where I carried armfuls of Little Debbies out of the grocery store. Knowing what real hunger feels like is not an educational or eye-opening experience. It’s just painful.
3.) Any weight you lose doesn’t last.
In three days, I lost eight pounds. That certainly impressed my ex-girlfriend, but within a week, I had the eight pounds back plus two more. As soon as I finished the diet, I celebrated with a steak dinner. Then ice cream. Then a midnight feast of Cheetos and milk.
For two days after, it seemed I couldn’t get full. That wasn’t because I’m a glutton; it was my body screaming for energy. Crash diets like that never last, and that is doubly true for juice cleanses.
4.) No matter which book you read or “expert” you referenced, there is no proof a juice cleanse has any positive effect. Ask the AMA.
There is no magic drug or vegetable or food that guarantees positive health. As of this writing, chocolate diets are the new fads, and fads are all they are. Someone comes up with an idea to make money, and they’ll say whatever they can get away with to make money.
That is honestly the only truth behind juice cleanses. If you don’t believe me, just look up the word detox . Unless you’re talking about drug rehabilitation, there are no toxins to detox from. Detox means whatever someone wants it to mean.
5.) Some of these cleanse diets make claims that are criminal.
I won’t use the actual name of the cleanse diet we tried (to avoid a lawsuit) but among its lofty claims was a suggestion that it could cure cancer. Of course it can’t. There was no proof, no support, not a single professional source that supported its assertion. But still people believe it, including my ex girlfriend. That’s just gullibility, but desperate people might believe the shameless proponents of this diet, and they have less time than me to waste.