There are a lot of programs for women, lots of organizations geared toward women who have found themselves being someone else’s victim. No one thinks about the men who are abused by the women who, at one time, they wanted to be with all the time and now, all these guys can think about is simply getting away from them. And frankly, where men as abuse victims by the women they love or married to are concerned, there is not a whole lot as means for protection for them outside of what is in place for women. Really, this is a travesty, because really, men are also abused, in more ways than one.
There are laws against filing a false police report, but it takes time and effort and lots of digging for a man to undo what his abuser has done. I know a few guys who have lost a whole lot in terms of shared custody because the mother of their children seem to believe that it is perfectly fine to use the children they share against him. I know a few guys who, in the wee hours of the morning, have texted me asking me to please call the police for them, because the one person who they saw as being the one who they could love was somehow having an adult sized tantrum, broken doors and shattered dishes included, and no matter what this young man did, he had to prove to the police that it was the woman involved, rather than he, the man, who was raising hell and making things hard on someone who merely and only wanted to be with her. This young musician only wanted to Love his girlfriend, and she, in turn, reacted violently. He was in no way trying to harm her, but she tried, throughout the time they dated, a whole lot to control him, and when he refused, she turned violent.
Make no mistake – the silent shame is that every day, men are abused by the women in their lives, and those women get away with what they do, perhaps not as much as at one time they had, but none the less, the scales of justice, hopefully, will one day turn to include abused men. These are the heroes in our lives, folks, these men who take what they are given by these women, and do not lift a hand to them, neither their voices.
If ever in history we need our laws regarding Domestic Abuse to also include men, specifically, it is now. There are stronger measures in place to protect those of us who, throughout time and history, have been thought of, believed as, and told that we are the “weaker” gender. The people who make these decisions about who will and who will not be the ones who are meant to feel safe in their skin need also to think dearly in a more balanced manner. Without this balance, abused men will continue to suffer, silently, at the hands of the women they love. And yes, how can anyone love someone who has created for them nothing but hurt and havoc?
I don’t have that answer for you. All I do have is the idea that we really need to stop hurting each other, and we have to make things more fair. Just as there are measures in place for women whose lives have been scarred by the ugliness of abuse, so, too, does there need to be those same protective measures in place for the men in our midst.
Without it, good men end up in jail, in the hospital, in the morgue, for things that they never did.