One of my old co-workers used to always say “It’s hard enough to find someone who you just want to have dinner with, let alone someone you want to spend the rest of your life with!” She was so right!
I’ve been doing online dating on and off for close to ten years, mainly Eharmony. Match.com never appealed to me with anyone able to view your profile and it always seemed like there were more fake profiles on there. I’ve continued with Eharmony because there have been several people through the years who have been very close. I’ve met some very good guys, just not the right one, yet. There have been times when I’ve taken long breaks in the process, when I grow so incredibly irritated that I give up for awhile and go back to focusing on work and being a single Mom.
Recently I was contacted by a man on Eharmony who looked great. He was a single Dad who also had one daughter like me. He looked cute, I liked much of what he said in his profile and he was a chef, which being the major foodie and restaurant enthusiast that I am, made me very excited! He immediately messaged me, instead of going through the four step process you’re supposed to go through at Eharmony.
I read the first email and was about to email him back, but I was also making dinner at the time so I figured I would respond after I ate. In the meantime, this guy sends me another email stating that he saw I had viewed his profile and asked why didn’t I respond. This immediately came off as needy and desperate and was a major turnoff. Is there some rule that I have to respond within 5 minutes?
I emailed him back and explained that I had been making dinner and had planned to email him back after my daughter and I ate. He proceeds to ignore my response for over 24 hours as if he was punishing me, but I figured he’s a Dad too and probably got busy with his daughter, so no problem.
The following day we exchanged a couple more emails and he asked for my number. I read his email around 11pm at night and was getting ready to go to bed so I planned to respond the next day. I work an 8-5 job and can’t go on Eharmony during the day. By the time I checked my account again around six or seven that night, I had two more emails from this guy furious with me for not giving him my number yet and excusing me of being married or having something to hide!
What?! Married? Definitely not, never have been married. Having something to hide? Definitely not. This guys impatience, suspicion and desperation had just completely killed any chance with me. I contemplated emailing him back and explaining what he did wrong and why I was closing the match, but my time is too precious, I just moved on.
I had another experience on Eharmony recently and went on a first date with a promising Psychologist, only to find out towards the end of the date that he’s a drug user! As if I’m going to want that around my daughter! Not only did he confess that he’s a pot smoker, but he told me that I should seriously consider becoming one too! Really? I already have mom brain as it is. I don’t need to lose anymore of my memory function! I dated a pot smoker briefly a number of years ago and this guy could never remember my name! Why would I want to date someone else like this?
Sometimes I’m speechless when I view my new matches on Eharmony. Some men look like criminals. I was matched with one recently who looked like a sumo wrestler! I don’t go to bars or to church and I’ve always regretted dating at work in the past, not to mention I’m working with mainly women right now. So how else does a single woman, who’s a single mom and career woman, meet someone? Online seems like my only option sometimes, but the men continue to get stranger by the minute.
I also recently had a guy on Facebook instant message me. He and I have mutual friends. He sent me a number of messages telling me that he wanted to get to know me, but then I noticed he had been “liking” one porn profile after another. I’m sorry, but if I see that you’re liking profiles called “Big Booties” and “Get Laid Tonight,” I’m blocking you!
It’s true, finding a good man is like finding Flight 370: Impossible! There are days when I think it will never happen, but that’s ok. Everyday I grow happier and happier being single. I can do what I want when I want to do it. I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can give my daughter and my career all my attention.
Every date I go on, sometimes I feel like I should never leave the house again! It’s like that Carrie Underwood song “The more boys I meet, the more I love my dog”. My version of that is “The more guys I meet, the more I just want to be a Mom and have a successful career!”
Still I continue to step out the door each morning. Knowing that I need to live life to its fullest and keep my heart open, even when I feel like closing it up for good. Knowing that I can’t let my past turn my heart cold, when I am one of the most loving women out there. To quote one of my heroes Maya Angelou: “Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”