It is not enough for us to love someone else and have them trust us in return. Abusers do not know how to trust, and this is where their issues as abusers begins – with a lack of trust, not only in those who they want to love them, but more, themselves
People in love are, at least for a little while, not usually aware of it when they are being manipulated in their ways of being and thinking. We do not see it when the worst is about to happen, because the truth is that we have not been told about these things when it comes to Love and relationships. Abusers were not ever taught to Love, not even themselves, and because of this, there is already a breach of trust. They lure you in, telling you what you want to hear, and then when they have your trust, they begin to question if they can trust you.
This is not something that is not typical with an abusive person. Abusers are not only men – they are women, too, and women, as we all know, are far better at the manipulation thing than are men, namely when it comes to Love with another person. Too often, after the breakdown of the programming that you received as a child from your well-meaning parents, these abusive people decide that you are no longer a person, that you are, instead, their property. The way that two people get to that point where one of you is akin to a pet (on a very short leash, mind you) and the other person is the one who owns the pet takes time. It takes time for them to study their intended victim, and it takes time for them to really know what it will take in order for them to get into that place where everyone keeps their innermost secrets. They tell us what we want to hear, and they pretend that they care about everything we care about and tell us that we are loved, when in reality, all that any abuser is doing in that manner is priming you for the worst time in your life.
What starts out as you believing that their crazy jealous behavior, the idea that they tell everyone that you “belong” to them as opposed to with them, and other things that they say that sound a lot like they are crazy about you really is just them being crazy, as in certifiably crazy, and you, being who you are, and what you are, which is a trusting person because that is how you were raised, buy into it. We buy into it because ALL of us are needful of that energy that is admiration from someone else. You will know that it is or is not admiration that is the real thing by the other things that they say to you. If they have nothing ugly to say to you when you are around or hang out with your friends who are of the opposite gender, and you do so alone, then they may be being sincere. If, however, you feel like you have to sneak around to see people who you have loved longer than you have known this person, and they have a problem with ALL of your friends, this is the biggest sign of all that maybe you ought to not see this person again, because really, your safety, perhaps even your life, may well be in real danger.
There are a lot of signs which all point to abuse, and normally the first thing that you will not realize is being forced from your life is your support system – which is everyone who you know and love and who your newly betrothed might have an issue with. He or she might not say it outright, but your intuition should be the thing that guides you when you have started noticing that this person who you have taken an interest in has also taken a very fast, very heavy-energy interest in you. You are not feeling anything that is not meant for you to feel…namely if what you are feeling is trepidation whenever you want to talk about your friends and your family.
Keeping you from your support system is one of the very first things that happens. Not might happen, not could happen, but happens.
Notice the signs before becoming a statistic.