When I was a little girl divorce was not a word I heard all the time. I didn’t even really know what that word meant until I was in middle school and my best friend’s parents divorced and she moved away to live with her dad. I was about 12 years old when I asked my mom what a divorce really was and she sighed sadly and told me. From that day on, I still can’t really comprehend why anyone would want to go through that in the first place.
Now, as I’m getting ready to get married and make that final commitment to my long time boyfriend, the word divorce has been thrown around a lot, especially as of late. My fiance’s parents are divorced and I’ve seen the worst sides of the situation. Because of this, I now realize that a divorce is almost never truly the end. Yes, sometimes people can go through a divorce and not have an ongoing battle with each other, however sadly, more couples tend to keep going after each other even after the divorce is “finalized.” Just because something is finished legally doesn’t exactly mean that it is finished with the people involved.
Nowadays, all you hear when it comes to relationships and marriage is the worst sides. You rarely ever hear the good parts because everybody is so focused on the negative such as; scandalous affairs, heartaches, mental and physical disorders, money problems, family problems, and of course, the D-word.
I remember the first thing my (future) mother-in-law told my fiance and I when she first heard that we were engaged. She told us to get a pre-nup and that I better not take all his money. At the time I was seriously heartbroken and I remember crying and thinking this is not what I thought the first few hours of being engaged would be like. However, now I understand why she said that to us (sort of).
My fiance’s parents are fighting to the death over lawsuits being thrown around for almost a year between the two of them. This is not an unusual story among divorced couples. I guess this is why pre-nups have become so mainstream in recent years. Pre-nups basically state what each couple has and is or will bring into the marriage, and it also states what each person will receive should the union end unfortunately. It usually involves money, prized possessions and sometimes even the children or pets. In the grand scheme of things it does appear easier should the two of you ever get divorced because at least you know what you get ahead of time and it shouldn’t be as messy in the end.
However, while divorce has become an accepted dinner conversation lately, so has negative comments directed towards the newly engaged and the newly weds. Yes, bad things do happen, but good things happen more. We all just hear so much about the negative things because to most people it’s more interesting to hear about other people’s problems rather than their achievements.
I think that instead of directing the negative comments towards the lovebirds, we should be supporting them. There are so many more couples in the world who have been together for years, such as my parents who have been married for over 27 years. I know that a lot of people say that sort of thing is rare, but it’s not.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, especially if you’re marrying the love of your life. However, a lot of people marry the “lust of their life,” and in the heat of the moment it can taste a lot like love. The honeymoon phase disappears and lust doesn’t stick around forever and before you know it, you’re waking up next to somebody you don’t even know.
This all sums up to one thing: Marry your best friend. Marry the person who makes you smile, who you remember even when you’re out all night, who you still want to kiss first thing in the morning even with morning breath and messy hair. Marry the person who lights up your life, not just your night. Marry the person you can see yourself with whether you have a lot of money or not a penny to rub together that week. Marry the person who even when they get pissed off at you and stomp away, always comes back and wants to cuddle and says “I love you” a few minutes or hours later. Marry the person you can see yourself falling asleep next to even when you’re 99 years old.
Yes, everyone has their problems, but with divorce being seen as such a simple solution nowadays, most people don’t know how to work through their problems as a couple. Once you learn how to communicate and work through things with your significant other, you’ll realize that things are not always as bad as they seem. And you must realize that you don’t always have to follow your parents footsteps. Just because something didn’t work well with them does not mean it’ll automatically happen to you too. Divorce is not genetic.