The other day I was sitting at a local coffee house having an unbelievably good cup of coffee, with a cinnamon bun that can only be described as one of god’s greatest gifts. I overheard a group of women in their thirties; I think they were in their thirties but I live in Miami and they could have been in their fifties as those bloated lips could only have been in their fifties as those bloated lips could only have been produced by Botox injections or a nasty bee sting. In any event they were taking the opportunity to trash each of the men they were either dating or in relationships with, talking of them as being insensitive and unresponsive to their needs. They would rather talk about a toxic relationship than how to fix a relationship. Well, a normal guy would have just grabbed his cup and headed for the door but I was in a bit of a mood and decided to pick up the gauntlet for all us guys that seem to be getting a bad rap lately. In hindsight, I should have just left.
Women are from Venus
I just can never get it through my head that women and men do not speak the same language, and unless we are equipped with a universal translator we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. So this was my chance to be the Rosetta stone of inter-gender communications! “It’s not just the man’s fault you know,” I said with righteous indignation. An eerie silence fell over the coffee shop, as the other patrons were eager to see a possible public castration. The older looking of the women and possibly the wiser and more experienced in the fine art of public humiliation, gave me a stare that sent a chill down my spine as she spoke in a monotone but obviously degrading voice, “would you care to elaborate” she said? Gathering my wits and taking a long drink of my coffee to ensure an adequate caffeine rush, I began to express my very intense feelings on the subject.
How men view relationships
I began by explaining that people who are in toxic relationships are often more reactive than proactive and as such; tend to guide their actions as the result of the feedback they receive from their partner. The younger blonde in the group who was obviously a disciple of the church for unending body enhancements, either had a gas issue or had no clue what I was talking about from the look on her face. “We pick up cues from your body language as well as your words,” I stated. I went on to describe how the majority of guys that are in relationships truly want that relationship to work out, but are also tired of paying the price for the poor previous relationship decisions that some women have made. Most people don’t know how to fix a relationship. If someone has hurt you in the past its only natural that you would have some walls or defense mechanisms in place to avoid getting hurt again, but don’t take it out on all men.
The Toxic Relationship
It really isn’t rocket science. If you have caught a previous boyfriend cheating, you are more likely to question a current boyfriend or spouse when you encounter any activity that you cannot easily explain. If a past partner said he was going out with the guys on a Friday night but you eventually learned that he was seeing someone else, the probability that you will bite the head off your new partner is very high if he told you he would be spending the evening with his guy friends. It doesn’t matter that he may actually be with his friends, he could be in church for all that it matters; you will not be happy about it and are likely going to be ready for a fight. Its very common for such things to happen and its not gender specific, its they way we are built. If you stick your hand in a flame, the next time you see a flame you are less likely to approach fire the next time you see it. Understanding how to fix a relationship begins with some trust and understanding.
This conversation was drawing to a close as my cup of coffee and courage began to disappear, I then decided to make one more important point. I hit them with my best shot, “if more ladies would concern themselves with the total package of a man and not focus primarily on looks or wealth, you would enjoy a more honest and trusting relationship.” These women were outraged! But I felt the need to verbally slap them for the majority of men in the world who have been tortured by devotees of every television show depicting wives spending their days complaining about their spouses, while selfishly spending their husband’s money. These women were still verbally abusing me as I walked out the door to such comments as “that’s why you could never afford a woman like me” or “you could never understand what its like to be us!” The abuse continued until I got to my car at which point it immediately ended in eerie silence. I smiled an impish grin and waved goodbye to those lovely ladies as I drove myself home behind the wheel of my freshly detailed Maserati.
