…and then one day, the Prince scratched his butt, grabbed the remote and asked for a sandwich, even though the Princess was a mess of tears…
Ladies, if it seems that I am chewing your rear ends a lot, I am not. What I am doing in these writings is giving you a clue as to what happens after the wedding, what goes on within the confines of a marriage that no one else is going to tell you the real reality about. Sure, you hear all about the happy marriages that you have been watching grow throughout your life time, with your mother and father literally being the model which you would like to live your life being like. If what you saw was your mother crying (or whichever woman in your life raised you) and your father (again, whichever man played that role) ultimately and always giving in, I want you all to know that eventually the tears rolling down your face will not work, namely if this is the tactic you have used from that very first fight you two had back when you were dating.
True, your husband will come to your rescue, at least at the start of things, will tell you that everything is cool, that he is sorry, and so on and so forth, but the reality is that if crying is the only game you have, you are only setting yourself up for future heartache, and no one needs that. What you are doing might have worked on your Daddy, but it will eventually no longer work on your man. The reason is that just as much as you know what makes him tick and makes him nutty, he also knows this about you. Eventually, those tears will mean nothing to him if what they are meant to do is to make him feel guilty, especially when you both know that he is right, that you are not right, and that all you are doing is trying to get your way.
Perhaps it is that you heard your mother say that your father WILL give in- OR ELSE, and you took it into your soul the message that is “it is my way or the highway,” and you bought into this without even the thought in your head that you are married, there are two of you, two ways of being, two Souls in one Union, and that maybe your mother wasn’t so much a good wife with a broken heart as much as she was, at least mentally, the little girl who lives inside of her trying hard to make the man she herself called “Daddy,” through your father, pay for the sins that her spoiled self feels she is due by him – NOT your father. Your man deserves to have you at your best, and this applies even when you are at your worst, because this is really what you deserve as well. You did not marry this person because you wanted to keep the “Mom and Pop Show” running for another lifetime. You married this person because you wanted to be with him for the rest of your life.
He did not ask your mom to marry him, neither that little twit you used to be. He has seen you go through a whole lot, and that is just to this point. You have a whole lifetime ahead of you to learn about each other. The last thing that you want to learn about is that he has been keeping it to himself all this time that he is not affected by the tears anymore when the two of you get into a tiff. Learn, instead, how to listen, to hear what the message behind this man’s words are. Listen to him, because that is what you want and what you need from him, as well. Respect his needs, and he will do the same for you.
…unless, of course, he is a Mama’s Boy…
Learn Empathy, that way you no longer have to appeal to his, or really, anyone’s sympathetic side anymore. Seriously, when you argue – LISTEN, and more than anything else, learn to suck it up, buttercup, because you WILL be at odds with him a LOT more than you want to believe, and you WILL need to at least grow a thick skin. If you can’t, then invest in a facial tissue company, because they are going to love that you try hard to make him guilty instead of allow him to be heard. Tears will eventually not work anymore. I am pretty sure you don’t want that.