Everybody, it seems, loves a wedding.
When we think about the word “wedding,” the very first thing that comes to a lot of our thoughts is a picture of a beautiful young woman in an overflowing, white wedding gown, the sun setting in the distance behind her, and the groom by her side or somewhere nearby, her in his sights, which, okay, on their wedding day this would be appropriate. When we think about these people, or any people, and the word “wedding,” the thing we are least likely to think about first is the groom.
We like to think and believe that men are strange, are clueless, are a lot of things that they are not. They are simply just men. And the last time I checked – I actually asked a man – what it is that they least like about any wedding is not that some of them take forever to get through or that they have to be in that tuxedo for hours and hours on end, but that no one really asks their opinion about anything. This is not the bride’s fault, because it is her day, too. Yet, this doesn’t mean that we can forget about the guys. They are as important to the ceremony is as the bride. They have their heart, their time, their love, their hard earned money invested into this day.
The groom has, as has the bride, chosen his groomsmen as wisely as he could. He has taken time to make sure that his guys all know what they are supposed to do. He is as nervous as is the bride, because just like her, this may be his first time, too. Just like her, he is also committing himself to this other person, hopefully until death will they part.
The groom deserves to also be heard. I know that he is, but not as much as the bride, and for a long time, this is how it has been. It has been assumed that whatever the bride wants, she should get, and no one remembers that the groom might have things that he wanted to do, have the minister say, might want something that only clergy can do for him. It is the job, and more than that, the duty, of the person who is marrying them to STOP with asking him, and okaying it all only with her and what she wants. He needs to be acknowledged, too, and she needs to have this made clear to her. To not make this clear sets the pattern in her head, before they are married even, that she is who is now and will always be in total control.
Anyone married would tell you that this is the truth. So, too, might anyone who is divorced. Think about it.
Let the groom in on the planning, more than he is at this time, and you will find that you may be the very one setting the pattern, not only in the planning of the wedding, but, as well, set the precedent for years to come. He needs to be involved. There are a lot of other things that happen afterwards that, yes, in part, it would have helped before the ceremony if the groom were more involved.
Men like helping. They are problem solvers. This is hardwired into them. The bride doesn’t need to be in control of everything, but that is where we have all let every bride be for a long time now.
Ask the groom his opinion, and ask him for his help. Let him be a man about things, and don’t mother him about anything. Just let the man help- let him be involved with the whole process, because it is his day, too!
I promise you won’t be sorry that you did.