The belief system that I subscribe to teaches very clearly that in order to find what you need, you must look within. We must learn that we are completely reliant on other people. We rely upon the people who grow our food, the people who practice medicine to keep us healthy– what can we learn from this idea in order to be better lovers; and better lovers of ourselves?
A Relationship as a Mirror
In being close to other people, we have a chance to see ourselves. As I write this, I am carefully guarding and caring for my heart as I have just lost the person I’ve been with for six years; and I’ve no idea if or when I will see them again. Knowing self discipline is what has kept me from despair, and keeps me from giving my life up for lost. Finding a way to live alone with oneself after having relied on company for so long is an eye opening experience in and of itself. The beginning, middle, and end of a relationship will all serve to show you different parts of yourself. Don’t ever forget this truth; in the end, you are all that you have.
Yes. If you find yourself alone, it’s a strong desire to rush into another relationship– to find someone new and better. My advice is: don’t. Instead, spend the long and agonizing quiet with yourself. Make coffee and write, even if you’ve never written before. Watch your favorite T.V. shows. Eat the things your partner never wanted to share with you. Focus on yourself and be as selfish as you can stand. Love yourself. Absorb and bask in that love. Finally, learn how to turn that love outwards. Learn that unconditional joy that you feel when you eat an entire pint of ice cream by yourself and give it to others unconditionally and with reckless abandon.
It may seem contradictory to live in a way that you love so deeply and yet avoid attachments. What it all comes down to is that love should be freedom, not ties that bind. Love should make you feel free, not trapped. If you love someone so much and so deeply that you can’t bear life without them, your time together can become focused on obligation rather than on actual desire to share company. Every love is different, and every relationship you have will bring something different to your attention.
Remember that you are on a journey. There will be times that your logic must override the way that your heart cries out. I can tell you from my own experience though, that patience and self control; discipline– will bring you greater peace than giving into your grief and rage will. Always remember that you are good enough and that you have a place in this universe, even if it’s not exactly where you imagined yourself being.