I love reality television; it is so, well, real. I remember the horrible old days when reality television was just starting and I was only able to tune in once a week to catch up on real life or the Real World as it was called. Fortunately things have greatly progressed. Today, I can turn on the television at almost any given time and find some aspect of real life to engage in. It is so enthralling and much more realistic than my own real life. In fact, reality television is so inspiring that I have decided to cast my own reality show. Of course it isn’t going to be about me. I mean what is realistic about a person getting up every day, going to work, trying to raise some kids, dealing with paying bills and just otherwise leading a boring “real” life. That wouldn’t sell at all. However, this new idea I have come up with will sell. It may be the biggest reality hit ever since I know reality television and this contains everything, or almost everything I love about it. So the following is the premise of the show. If you or someone you know fits the character description you may just be the next reality star.
My reality television show will be about:
The real dancing housewife moms of storage hunting bachelors in the Louisiana swamps who take on the most dangerous, dirty jobs of not only crossing icy roads, surviving Alaska, and hunting bigfoot but do so while naked and afraid, struggling to do a renovation makeover with a straight eye, instead of swapping spouses and sending the brats to boot camp and scaring them straight, for an Amish big brother who survived the Bering Sea, wicked Tuna, and his honey’s boo boo only to have to pawn his thrift shop kitchen finds to some pickers so he could follow his dream of using his voice to try and make a band so he could support his 8 kids, one who was a toddler still hunting for a toy tiara and another who had some fresh Ink that was really a tattoo nightmare, and remodel his old house on the Jersey shore, which happened to once belong to a moonshining Appalachian outlaw, some average Joe, who was on the run from Rocky Mountain bounty hunters in the Amazon before he was eaten by a river monster, or killed by an axe man, or whatever crushed his flavor for a shot at love, which would have been tough love, at an impossible hotel which was presumably an undercover sting run by the cops who traded spaces with the biggest looser of them all, a bachelorette who would have been a sister wife if not for almost dying in one of a thousand different ways before being rescued by 911 and riding off on an American chopper or what she called an American hog.
Now that is a hit! It is just a simple matter of finding the right real people to play my real people. That and I should probably find a way to have the audience vote on something. Stay Real.