You don’t find people wearing suede shoes as often as you used to. Heck, back in the 1960s, I’ll wager half the kids in my elementary school were wearing suede shoes. Of the Hush Puppies variety. And not much more than a decade earlier, Elvis Presley forever made blue suede shoes an icon of cool. Still are, though most of the kids today have the mistaken impression that canvas and leather shoes made by little slave kids in foreign countries are so much cooler. And by the way: to quote a song by Flight of the Conchords, why is that shoes have gotten more expensive as more of them are being made by little slave kids? Oh, yeah, that’s right. Profit.
Anyway, not as many people have to know how to clean suede shoes as they used. Even worse: those who know the pleasures and wayward distractions of wearing suede shoes are more ignorant than earlier generations when it comes to cleaning suede. Cleaning suede shoes is not a task that should be attempted with the cavalier attitude you can afford to have when it comes to cleaning Nike or Reebok shoes made by little slave kids. When it comes to cleaning suede shoes, you should instead approach the task with all the careful attention that you would pay to cleaning a Puma shoe made by little slave kids.
Suede conveys a certain sense of class and monied superiority that canvas and the type of cheap leather sneakers that are the fashion of today cannot match. The good thing about suede is not it is not as expensive as, well, expensive leather. The hoi polloi can have their high-class leather, but suede is the fancy fabric of the proletariat. And for this reason, workers of the world should unite to learn how to clean suede. Because even though suede may not break your bank, it can put a dent in your finances.
Cleaning suede shoes is a talent that everyone who ever bought a pair of Hush Puppies in the last couple of decades should have learned, but probably did not. That is too bad, because cleaning suede shoes is really not difficult at all. In fact, the single best way to clean suede shoes of common problems like mud and dirt can be found in the desk drawer of your office, whether it be a home office or an office office. You can also quickly clean suede shoes the next time you have a parent/teacher conference. Have you guess what this suede cleaning miracle product is yet?
An eraser. I prefer Faber myself, but you can feel free to use any brand eraser that is handy. Just make sure that your suede shoes are dry and then rub the eraser over the dirt or mud marks after clearing the debris away with your fingers. An eraser is also a useful tool for raising crushed suede on your shoes.
Now, if the problem is a grease stain on your suede shoes, you can clean that nasty problem away with any kind of home stain remover. The proper procedure for using stain remover on a greasy spot on your suede Winklepickers is to blot the stain with a paper towel or clean cloth. Spray the stain remover onto a cotton ball and gently wipe away, making sure that your choice of remover doesn’t cause streaking. Streaking should not occur when cleaning grease from shoes, but suede can be a funny thing. If the grease spot is as large as the blot on Gorbachev’s head, try the stain remover on a tiny section first.
I hear you right now. While you were frantically going through your office drawers looking for the eraser to clean the dirt stains, the pen in your pocket fell out and made a mark on your suede shoes. Suede is no place for ink marks, but the good news is that cleaning the ink mark away is as easy as locating an emery board. For the kids out there who are looking confused, emery board means nail file. (Want a thought in your head that will make your cringe? Imagine putting an emery board between your teeth and then rapidly pulling it while keeping your teeth clenched.) Rub the emery board softly over the ink stain and soon enough you will have ink-free suede shoes again.