The Walking Dead is a great show for a variety of reasons. The acting. The special effects. The writing. The creative zombie-killing techniques. All of these things make me an addicted viewer.
My inner (and sometimes outer) geek also takes a more existential view of the The Walking Dead and the inevitable zombie apocalypse. I often ponder how the emergence of the living dead will impact the career choices of future generations. As a public service, I offer the following to America’s youth as they prepare to enter a flesh eating job market.
Occupation: Funeral Home Owner and Mortician
Outlook: This one’s pretty evident. Morticians go the way of dinosaurs when the zombie apocalypse strikes. No need for embalming fluid, fancy caskets, or multiple-day viewings for the grief stricken when the deceased will eventually get up and leave.
Occupation: Real Estate Agent
Outlook: Those Sunday afternoon tours for potential home buyers? Updating those online listings? Forget about it. The majority of potential homeowners will be nomads in a never-ending pursuit of tasty flesh. Even for the non-zombie types, the home market becomes “stake my claim” based instead of commission-based.
Outlook: No need for courtroom representation when stealing, assault with an undeadly weapon and divorce by ice pick in the eye become perfectly acceptable social norms.
Outlook: Put away the balance sheets and ledgers. The only measurement needed to determine if one is in the black will be a visual examination of their flesh. Signs of rotting? Your personal stock just went down.
Outlook: You think current Democrats and Republicans are slow to make decisions? Just wait until the undead Senate and House consider legislation. Endless filibusters will elicit groans from all partisans.
Occupations with a Pulse
Occupation: Restaurant Owner
Outlook: Specifically, those specializing in human sushi.
Occupation: Home Security System Salesperson
Outlook: Everyone will be clamoring for a way to know if a stray “walker” happens upon their back yard. Imagine the potential price mark-up for motion-sensored security lighting.
Outlook: Figure out a way to grow and harvest edible fruits and vegetables? For the non-flesh eaters, you’ve just become the agricultural version of Steve Jobs and Bill Gates combined.
Outlook: Have a talent for merging metals? Welcome to the new world of fashion design. Bite proof casual wear will dominate the Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter collections.
Outlook: Develop a designer scent to mask the stench of rotting flesh and the living, not the undead, will be breaking down your doors.
There you have it, future leaders of the land where the deer, antelope and zombies will play. Plan your coursework accordingly and you will surely avoid the unemployment line when the zombie apocalypse hits.