At ten week pregnant I walked through the grocery store searching for some fruits and vegetables that actually sounded good to eat. Although I’d had little nausea, there have been many times where food just does not sound appetizing, and I have felt that I’m not eating right because of it. On my hunt to find some healthy food I walked past a basket of miniature orange-looking fruits and picked one up instantly when I read the sign, “Kumquat”. I had laughed earlier in the week because my app told me that the baby was the size of a kumquat, except I had no idea what that was. Some friends tried to describe it to me, but seeing it in person was a very strange experience. I held the little kumquat in my hand in disbelief. Although small, it was much larger than I’d imagine. Especially since the week prior it had only been the size of a grape. I stared at the little kumquat for minutes before putting it down.
Upon arriving at home I told my hubby of the experience and he laughed at my disbelief in how big it already was. His response was, “that’s tiny, just wait it’s only going to get bigger”. His lack of enthusiasm irks me. I still have not quite figured how what his feelings are on this unexpected little kumquat. He doesn’t seem excited, or disappointed, or stressed. He doesn’t seem to have any emotions regarding it at all. In my heightened emotional state, this really irritates me. Although, I get some comfort in talking to friends who all agree that their spouses acted pretty much the same.
I did get some relief from my unemotional hubby on one occasion this week when he snapped at me for calling it “my baby”. He said “It’s my baby too; it’s OUR baby, stop calling it your baby”. I had no response, because although he was irritated, his irritation actually made me feel connected to him, it was our baby and that was the first time he’d sounded any connection to it at all.
Because I have had little symptoms besides an aversion to food and exhaustion, I am filled with worry about the viability of this pregnancy. I have tried my best to avoid googling anything, as the doctor warned, however, it is hard to not wonder. With many of my friends having experienced pregnancy with a whirlwind of terrible symptoms, my ease in this pregnancy actually causes me to worry much more. I fear that something is not right. Next week, I’ll have another visit with the doctor, and hopefully will hear a heartbeat which will alleviate my fears.