Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
For the past couple of years, I have been working at a job that brings a lot of stress into my life. Yes, I admit it; it’s a very stressful job. But, the problem is that I love it. I really love what I do and don’t see myself doing anything else. I love being at work and the fact that I don’t have a special person in my life makes me want to work even more. The problem is that my parents think that I work too much and that my job is what is preventing me from having a steady romantic relationship. I never thought too much about it until they started to make a big issue out of it. I think they just want me to start having children so they can have grandchildren to spoil. I do, eventually, want to have a relationship but if that is going to get on the way I handle my job, then I guess I will have to pass. In addition, to complicate things more, I don’t even think I want children either. Do you think I’m being selfish by choosing my career over starting a family?
Issie from DC
Dear Issie from DC,
No, I don’t think you are being selfish by choosing your career over a family. You are the only person who can decide what is best for you. Starting a family is a very important decision to make, and if you are not prepared for it, you shouldn’t do it. Especially, when you know that your job may not be exactly a good fit for a family at this moment.
What I do think is that, eventually, if your job is as stressful and demanding as you describe it, you may need to start taking it easy or your health will start to suffer. Your parent’s main issue with wanting you to start a family may be because they may be concerned about the way you are dealing with your job. They may be thinking that starting a family will help you in slowing down. If that’s the case, I suggest you have a nice chat with them and see what their real concerns are. Another thing that caught my attention about your message is what you said about the fact that not having a special person in your life makes you want to work even more. This sounds as if you were using your job to cover the hole that not having a special person in your life is creating in you. If that’s the case, then I have to say that I agree with your parents. You may need to start working less so you can enjoy life outside of work as well. Is okay to like what we do at work, but it’s also okay to have a life outside of work. We all need that balance in our lives; and you, my dear, are not the exception.
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