Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
My partner of two years just started working at this new office. He loves it there, but he also thinks that people he works with do not like the idea that he is gay. No one has ever said anything to him but recently, someone has been leaving anonymous sticky notes on his desk saying that he needs to leave or things will get bad for him. I already told him that he needs to report this to his supervisor, but he does not think it is necessary. He thinks that if he ignores the issue, it will go away. I personally do not think that the issue will go away unless he does something to make it stop. He even asked me to just let the whole issue go and not to stress over it. I, on the other hand, cannot let it go because I know that what they are doing to him is wrong. How can I convince him to do something about it?
Dear C. C.,
I agree with you. Whoever is leaving those nasty notes on your partner’s desks needs to be held accountable for his/her actions. The fact that someone is getting out of his/her way to bully your partner that way is not only hurtful and mean but also unprofessional and illegal. There are laws that protect employees from this kind of behaviors and your partner should do something about it before things get out of hand. If people have an issue with him being gay, that is their problem. As long as your partner continues to perform well in his position and does his job to the best of his abilities, people should leave him alone and mind their own business. However, I do see where is that your partner is coming from when he says that he is just going to ignore the issue. Sometimes, what these people are trying to accomplish is to make the other person mad and if they see that they are not getting the response they wanted, they just go away. Maybe that is what your partner is trying to accomplish by ignoring the issue. If that is why he wants to do, support him in his decision, but my suggestion for him will be that if after ignoring the issue for a while, these people continue messing with him, then he needs to bring the issue to his supervisor. The bottom-line is that he does not have to put up with that treatment. No one deserves to be treated that way and your partner needs to understand that and do something to make it stop. Again, there are laws that protect him so he needs to use those laws to his advantage.
Would you like to contact “The Coach” for a quick advice? Send her an email at email@example.com