Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
I have been friends with this guy for the past 10 years. We met in college and we have been good friends since. There is no romantic interest between us. He is just a really good friend. The problem is that couple of months ago, he met this woman at a bar and he has been dating her since. She is way older than him and for what I have heard, she has three small children from three different marriages. My friend has a very stable job and he makes a lot of money. This is not the point; the point is that even when I am happy that he found someone who loves him for who he is (she has said this to him only after couple of months of knowing him), I am afraid that she is just using him for his money. I have seen the way he spends money on her and it bothers me that he doesn’t see what’s going on. He claims that he loves her and that she loves him back. Me, on the other hand; I am not so sure if all that is true.
The Concerned Friend
Dear Concerned Friend,
My first impression after reading your message was that probably you were just jealous of the fact that your friend has a new woman in his life. But, after reading the message twice, I have to honestly say that I see where are you coming from. Unfortunately, as his friend, your role isn’t to decide if the woman is with him for his money of if she really loves him. Your role is to be there for him and support him in whatever decision he makes in reference to the relationship he has with this woman. In your message, you don’t mention how old your friend is. I assume that he isn’t a kid anymore when you guys have known each other for 10 years after meeting in college. What I am trying to say is that your friend may be old enough to know what’s good for him and what’s not. Sadly, either you like it or not, there is nothing you can do about this situation. What you can do is express your concerns to him and see what he does with them. If after telling him what you think, he continues seeing this woman, there will be nothing else for you to do other than just take a step back and let him be. That’s the best you can do; not only for the sake of your own mental health but also for the friendship you guys have. The last thing you want is to ruin your friendship over a woman that may, in fact, be in love with him.
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