Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
My brother just got married not too long ago and even when the girl he married is a nice person, I don’t feel comfortable being friends with her. I am still very close to his first wife; we are actually really good friends. She is suffering a lot with this new marriage because I think deep inside, she had the idea that they were going to get back together. I feel very bad for her and don’t feel is correct for me to open my arms to this new person when I know that my friend in miserable about the whole situation. On the other hand, I feel bad for my brother because he really loves his new wife and wants her to be accepted in the family. I know that I have to do what’s right for my brother but can’t stand the fact that his happiness is causing another person so much pain. What should I do?
I think that instead of you shutting out of your life your brother’s new wife, instead; you need to help your friend get over her ex for once and for all. If your brother married this new person, it’s very obvious that he doesn’t want to get back with her; and she needs to understand that and be okay with it. The fact that they are no longer together should tell her that their relationship wasn’t meant to be and that she needs to do whatever is in her power to move on with her life. Your brother already moved on; now, it’s her time to do the same. Your new sister-in-law should not have to pay for this woman’s inability to put the past where it belongs; in the past. Your brother’s new wife deserve the opportunity to be treated as a part of the family because either your friend likes it or not, this new woman just became part of your family. I know you are trying to be there for your friend but you also have to be there for your brother. This doesn’t mean you have to push your friend to the side; what it means is that you have to help her understand that the friendship you guys have has nothing to do with your brother’s decision of getting married. At the beginning, it may be hard for her to come to terms with the situation but at the end, if she truly cares about you as a friend, she will understand.
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