Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
Dear Coach,
My boyfriend just proposed to me. We have been together for one year and during a short vacation to Aruba, he asked me to marry him. Since we are trying to finish college, we decided to get married next year. This feels like a dream come true. I truly love him and he treats me like a princess. The only part I do not agree with is the part when he proposed for us to start living together now. I take marriage life very seriously and do not think that is appropriate for us to live together until we are officially married. He thinks I am being too conservative and also feels that since we already have a date for our weeding, we should just go ahead and move in together. I really do not know if this is a good idea. I know that if my parents find out about his plans for this new living arrangement, they will freak out. Am I really being too conservative?
The Fiancé
Dear Fiancé,
No, I do not think you are being conservative, and if that is what you really want to do, you should tell your boyfriend and ask him to please understand and support your decision. If he really loves you, he should not have any issues supporting your decision. You have the right to do what is best for you and if you want to wait until you guys are married to live together, then do it. But, one suggestion I will give you is to do it for yourself, not for your parents or anyone else. Remember; this is your life so from now on, you have to make decisions based on what you think is best for you, not what is best for other people, and your parents need to understand that. So there you have it, my friend; have a nice talk with your boyfriend and explain him what is that you want to do and give him the reasons why you want to do it that way. I am sure that if he has a better idea why is that you want to do things that way, he will understand. But, if after explaining him what is that you want to do and why, he continues with the idea, then you guys will need to have a serious talk about the whole marriage thing. For a marriage to work, there has to be a lot of communication, a lot of understanding and a lot of compromise, and if he cannot understand where is that you are coming from or does not want to compromise, then you need to start thinking more in deep if you really want to marry this person or not.
Would you like to contact “The Coach” for a quick advice? Send her an email at [email protected]
