Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
I was recently told that I would never be able to have babies on my own. Apparently, I have a condition that will not allow me to carry a baby full term, and the doctors have suggested me to never try to get pregnant or I may put not only the life of the baby in danger but also my own life. I have talked to my husband about this and even when he has said that he will support me 100% in whatever decision I make, he completely flipped out when I told him that I was planning to ask my best friend to have our baby via in vitro. He believes that it will be very inappropriate for me to ask my friends for that “favor” and that it may ruin our friendship. Do you think he is right? Should I not ask her to help us out with this situation?
I believe that what you are planning to do is a very brave move. However, I do have to agree with your husband. Your friend may not like the idea and the result of this may be a damaged friendship. What I will suggest you to do is to first ask for a second medical opinion about your condition. If after getting the second opinion, the results still the same, then take your time to think about what is that you really want to do in reference to the issue. But, make sure you include your husband in the decisions you make because this is something that concerns both of you. If after thinking and discussing everything with your husband, you still feel like you want to ask your friend to do that “favor” that you want her to do, make sure you have all the information you need available in your hands at the moment of the talk. This may be a very difficult decision for her to make and she may have a lot of questions, and if she sees that you have all the answers, it may help her to be more at ease about the whole idea. The only thing is that you have to be prepared for the answer you may get from her. She may say yes, but at the same time, she can say no and unfortunately, you have to be okay with that. It’s her life and her body and she may not feel like getting involved in such a sensitive situation. Not every person is mentally capable to deal with something like that.
My last suggestion for you is to not stress over the situation and not too allow your friendship to get ruined if she happens to say no. Stay positive, stay happy. Miracles do exits, my friend. You just have to have faith and allow life to take its course.
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