Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
The reason I wanted to contact you is because I do not know what is happening to me, but I feel very bad about my appearance and do not know what to do to feel better about it. I see all these beautiful women and I wonder why I cannot be like them. My hair is a mess and as much as I try to stay in shape, I always go back to being overweight. This situation has caused me a lot of stress and is even taking a toll on my marriage. My husband thinks I am exaggerating and keeps telling me that he loves me for whom I am. The issue is that I sometimes see him looking at other women and that makes me feel like he is attracted to them more than what he is attracted to me. We have been married for 6 years now. What can I do about the feelings that I have?
Zilly the Ugly
First of all, I want to ask you to stop calling yourself ugly. That, my dear, will not help you to feel better. The other thing I want you to do is to stop comparing yourself to other women. That is not a healthy thing to do. We are all different and because so and so is beautiful, it does not mean that you are not. If you are really concerned about your appearance, what I will suggest you to do is to identify those areas that you would like to improve (e.g., hair, figure, etc.) and start working hard to make them better. Go and get a makeover, try a new haircut, enroll yourself in a gym, etc. The point here is to stop feeling sorry about yourself and do something to help yourself feel better about yourself. Unfortunately, you cannot control what, where, or who your husband looks at; but you surely can control how you feel about it. Do not allow that to ruin everything for you. Just work in yourself so you could start feeling better about who you are as a person; and that, my friend, will improve the way you feel in reference to the way you look. The truth is that happiness is a state of mind. Work in feeling happy with yourself and you will see that your opinion about yourself will change for good.
Would you like to contact “The Coach” for a quick advice? Send her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org