Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
Dear Coach,
I have a really good friend whose husband treats her like %#$^. She is a very sweet lady and has always been there for her husband (even in moments when she shouldn’t have). The issue with her is that she allows her husband to treat her poorly. He does that at every chance he gets; even in front of her friends and other family members. She does not seem to be bothered by it and in some occasions, I have heard her telling others that sometimes, she deserves the way he treats her because she is such a “clumsy” person. After hearing her say this, I pulled her to the side and told her that she needed to have more self-respect and that she needed to ask him to stop treating her that way. When I did that, she looked at me like she had just seeing a ghost and left my side in a hurry. I do not think she liked the idea of me getting involved in the situation because she has not spoken to me since. Was I wrong for doing what I did? Should I just keep my nose out of her issues? I just do not think he should be treating her that way and moreover; I do not think she should be allowing him to treat her that way.
Johanna,
Dear Johanna,
I understand you desire to help your friend get out of that “abusive” situation. The problem is that you already did what you needed to do. If after you told her how you felt, she still did not do something about it, I strongly believe that there is nothing else that you can do. She is the one who needs to put a stop to this, not you. I am not sure why your friend is behaving that way, maybe she is the victim of domestic violence and is afraid to confront her husband, or maybe she treats him the same way and feels like it is okay to treat each other like that. Who knows what is going on in that relationship. The thing is that unless you are 100% sure that she is been abused, there is nothing you can do to help her out. One thing you can do is try to talk to her again and explain her that she does not deserve to be treated that way, and see if she gets the message this time. If she gets the message, give her all the support she needs to put a stop to the situation; even if it means going to the police if she is, in fact, the victim of domestic violence. If, on the other hand, she ignores you like she did before, then I guess all you have left to do is to let her deal with her own issues and not to get involved. Again; she is the only one who can put a stop to this issue, but if she is not willing to do it, there is nothing you can do to make her do it.
Would you like to contact “The Coach”? Send her an email at askthecoach@mcreyes.com
