Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
I have a very difficult issue in my life and no idea on how to deal with it. I have been married for 21 years. I have to admit that those 21 years have been the best times of my life. I married my high school sweetheart and we have 2 amazing kids together. The problem that I have is that after all these years, I recently started to realize that even when I care a lot for her, I don’t love her anymore. I mean; I do love her; I am just not in love with her. She is an amazing woman but I feel that the love I had for her has vanished all of the sudden. I wish I could ignore these feelings but honestly, I can’t. Because the way I feel, I have been fantasizing about meeting other women to see if I start feeling love again in my life, but since I don’t want to hurt my wife, I have never acted on those impulses. Why is this happening to me? Am I really out of love for my wife? Or, is this just a phase?
Oscar L. from Puerto Rico
Dear Oscar L. from Puerto Rico,
I think that what you are feeling is to a certain extend a normal reaction to a such long marriage. Long marriages like yours tend to go through a weird phase in where the people in it may feel like they stopped loving each other when, in fact is, that is not the case. This happens because people get comfortable within the marriage and they stop trying to make the other person fall in love with them. This may be what is happening to you. My suggestion for you is that instead of thinking about doing things outside of your marriage, to work in reviving your marriage before is too late. Talk to your wife about how you feel and together try to find ways to get your marriage back to what it was before you started feeling this way. If after working in your marriage, you still feel like you don’t love your wife anymore, then you may be in a better position to make the decision you think is best for all the parts involved.
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