Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
There is a new woman at work whom I have become really good friends with. We have been friends for a while now, but I just realized that I am starting to develop strong feelings for her. The only problem about all this is that she is happily married. I will never do anything to put her marriage in jeopardy, but the feelings that I have for her are so strong that sometimes when I am talking to her, I am fantasizing about being intimate with her. I do not know how I allowed myself to be in this position and, honestly, I do not think she cares about me in that way, but I am having a hard time dealing with how I feel. Should I tell her how I feel? Do you think if I do that our friendship will end?
I think that as long as you do not act on your impulses, you should be okay. Just keep reminding yourself that she is married and that you do not want to break a happy family. If you do that, you will prevent yourself from doing something that you may/will regret later. One thing that you did not mentioned in your message is if this person is doing something to encourage those feelings that you have. If she is, then she is part of the problem and you need to move away from her as soon as possible. If she is not doing anything to make the situation the way it is, then is you the one who needs to work with yourself to prevent this issue to get out of hand. If being friends with this person is creating you all these feelings, try to stop hanging out with her for a while to see if you can get some mind rest. If after trying to do that, you still feel the same way about her, then I guess you will have to do what you think is best for you. Maybe telling her how you feel and seeing the way she reacts about the news will give you the push that you need to either continue with your friendship or to move away. You are the only one who knows what is best for you, so trust your instincts. But remember; never do something that you would not like others to do to you. She is married, so respect that.
Would you like to contact “The Coach” for a quick advice? Send her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org