I left my ex husband twice before he finally decided that he was done with me and ended our marriage. I was in a session with my therapist after the separation, and I was telling her about all the things that my ex had said and done to me. She looked at me and said, “You do realize that you were in an emotionally abusive relationship right?” I just kind of sat there and stared at her. I was in disbelief. However, during that session while talking to her, I realized that she was indeed right. I used to think of my life as a fairytale, however my story’s end didn’t have a happily ever after. The purpose of this article is to help point out signs that the relationship you are in is in fact an emotionally abusive relationship.
Your afraid to tell your partner about a normal happening – At the time of our separation, I was a stay at home mom with medical issues, and every time I needed something, I was scared to ask for it. Gas money, health and beauty products, cigarettes (yes I’m a smoker, and he would limit my amount of nicotine), doctor co-pays, etc, I never knew if he was going to get mad at me for needing something.
Putting you down – I was constantly told that I was worthless, lazy, an unfit mother, and that I didn’t try. I have Fibromyalgia and before our separation, I was having non epileptic seizures as well, and I was constantly told that I never did enough. Even when dinner was made, the baby was bathed, his lunch was made, and the house was clean, it still wasn’t good enough, or to his standards. When we separated he even went as far as to say, “You can have the couch since your butt is so fond of it”.
You begin to believe that you’re the crazy one – I completely blamed myself for everything. If I wasn’t sick this would have never happened and he would still love me. If I wasn’t hurting today and had made dinner, he wouldn’t have yelled at me. I literally felt like I was going out of my mind all the time! My emotions were all over the place. Don’t do that to yourself. If your significant other can’t love you for you, then leave, it will be easier than staying.
You feel helpless, like you’re trapped in the relationship – The two times that I tried to leave my ex husband, he scared me into coming back. Like I said earlier, I was a stay at home mom, and so he told me that I would lose my daughter, that he wouldn’t help me in anyway financially, therefore I would fail in life. I proved him wrong, and so can you! I have a job, I have a home, I got a lawyer, and I did not lose my daughter. I am successful and happy!
You’re in complete isolation – I wasn’t allowed to do anything but go to doctor’s appointments and come home. He even tried to separate me from my friends, saying that they were the reason we were having problems because they put thoughts in my head. I was trapped at home with my daughter 24/7. Not that being with my daughter wasn’t great, but I wanted some form of life, that didn’t consist of the same four walls all the time.
You’ll go out of your way to please your significant other, no matter how much you have to sacrifice – Like I said before, I have Fibromyalgia and there are days that I can’t even stand up straight, but in my ex husband’s eyes, sickness equals weakness. Therefore, even on days that I was literally in tears because I hurt so bad, I would get up and do things so that I could avoid confrontation.
There are so many other signs that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I encourage you to research, reach out to your friends, family, doctors, therapists, etc. If you discover that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, get out and don’t look back. I was jobless, moneyless, and homeless. If I can succeed, then you can too. Don’t give up your hope and faith, your life may not be a fairytale, but it will eventually have a happy ending. God bless and good luck!