I’ve always had interests that align better with men than with other women, but I am mistrustful of women who announce that they prefer men over women because there is “less drama”. Have you ever considered that you might be the one causing the drama?
When I was in high school, a lot of my friends were guys. I took auto shop classes, weight lifting, and played RPGs on the weekends. I was constantly surrounded by young men and it was natural that an extrovert like myself would befriend a good number of the people around me. Because those are mostly male dominated areas of interest, that meant a lot of male friends. Despite that, I’ve always sought out opportunities to befriend other women.
I don’t consider myself to be a tomboy. Although I have a lot of traditionally male interests, I’m all woman. I love my curvy body and wear dresses frequently because they make me feel pretty. I turned a cabinet in my kitchen into a nail polish cubby that makes me happy every time I look at it. Even my Xbox controller is pink.
I don’t feel that women should have to conform to stereotypical gender roles to be taken seriously as “real women”. I take no issue with women who don’t wear make up or don’t own a single pair of high heels. I do, however, give a side eye to women who proudly proclaim that they have no use for other women because women are jealous of them.
No doubt that some women can be catty and vindictive. But to make a blanket statement that all women are jealous is just as ignorant and irresponsible as using racial stereotypes. It’s especially harmful from the perspective of feminism when some women are undermining the progress that we’ve struggled to gain.
I don’t form friendships (or preclude them) based on any physical distinction. I look for common interests that we share and let things develop from that point. If a person proves to be unworthy of my friendship, I don’t assume that every person who shares characteristics with them would also be a bad candidate for friendship.
If you are a woman who thinks other women cause too much drama in your life, consider how you are approaching other women.
Is she the significant other of one of your guy friends? Consider how your guy friend acts towards her. If he has a history of cheating or if he just acts shady and evasive, in general, she probably feels threatened by the friendship the two of you share even if it’s purely platonic.
Do you talk often about your low opinions of other women? It could be a case of a self fulfilling prophecy. I can tell when someone doesn’t care for my company and I avoid them. You’re sending a very clear message with those kinds of statements and it shouldn’t be surprising when other women pick up on it and respond in kind.
Are you dismissive of other women’s interests? Just because you couldn’t care less about getting regular pedicures or The Real Housewives of Atlanta doesn’t mean that you have to insult people who are into those things. Friendships require a give and take. Politely wait for your turn to talk and steer the conversation in a direction that interests you. You’ll be amazed by how much you actually have in common once you get past the small talk.
By just considering for a moment what might be causing friction between you and other women you can overcome most obstacles to friendship and have drama free relationships with the other women in your life. You might be surprised on what you’ve been missing out on.
