We cannot change anyone else. No matter how much we think we can change someone else, the bottom line is that the only person on this planet who we can change is ourselves. It takes a lot of patience to accept this one truth, and it takes a lot of being able to face one’s own self when thinking along the lines of how badly we might hurt in terms of what we want to believe this other person has done in order to make us hurt like we do. The idea that we have any control over someone else in terms of what is really hurting us versus what is hurting us that we think they are causing, in reality, is our own energy of hanging on to what we think is right versus what we think they owe us. No one owes us a thing. The idea that what we think is what they owe us is preposterous in that, while they might still be who did or said what they did, perhaps not even to us but on behalf of their own selves, we believe that somehow they are who is responsible for how we feel.
We alone are who holds the keys to who we are, how we feel and most of all, how we are going to process the feelings and the energies of what we are feeling.
To allow ourselves to continue to be upset or hurt because someone else has said or done something that we think is “to” us, when really, it might very well serve us in terms of growth is no one else’s energy but our own. There is no law or rule that says when someone else has been creepy enough to make us a promise or tell us that they will do something on our behalf that they HAVE TO live up to it is not the truth. People lie all the time and they lie so that they can get their own ends met, so to speak. This does not reflect anything onto us other than that they have revealed who they are for real, and in that revelation by them and to us they have given us their own truth as it pertains to us. If we cannot accept their truth, and we hang onto the idea that they owe us anything at all for how we are feeling, it is our responsibility to learn to let go of that energy of feeling like we are owed, and it is ours alone to learn and to grow from that energy – not someone else’s. We can hang onto the grief of what could have been, and we can choose to live in the heaviness that is loss, or we can become neutral about how we feel and we can observe that feeling from that place of neutrality and we can see there in that energy where it was that we chose to take what simply might have been them not revealing their truth for their own reasons.
It is not easy work to do, learning to accept things that we might not like, but it is a good to thing for us to not hang on to what we wanted from them. When we are let down by others we want to blame them, when really, how they are according to who we are has nothing to do with what the reality is, and the reality is that we cannot change others, only ourselves. We can do nothing for anyone else if we cannot look at where it is in all of the messes in life and see ourselves there, too, wallowing in the joylessness that is dependence on others for the love that we seek that is within us and has always been within us, waiting to be awakened by us and only for us. Once we can love our own selves and accept us as we are we can begin to see not only who we are for real, but also who everyone else is, for real, to us, for us, or not for us.
Waking up to the truth only serves us, even though for a little while, it might hurt us like a knife cutting into the very marrow of our bones. The truth in us cuts us and shapes us and makes us whole. It is painful and we cry tears of mourning over the loss of what we wanted, but in the end, it is still the same, only better, because in the end the only thing that matters is that we can face our own truth about ourselves in relation to those who have taught us through the pain they have offered us as a lesson in our Soul’s learning.