Clarissa Jordan sat in a white room in a white chair and waited for an angel to take her to heaven. This is what she heard, saw, thought and felt as she waited:
They say your whole life flashes before your eyes but-
The love, the love is all that’s real, all that matters, everything else is-
MONEY! LUST! FEAR! GREED! HATE! TERROR! PANIC!
The smell of roses and madness spreads across the wall, vines trickle down and move into large spirals.
“Baby, want his bottle?”
Mom’s slender white hands are so warm, they envelope me. This is safety, this is what love is.
(Have you ever heard the word catharsis? Do you know what it means?)
He said, “You do know I love you…I just can’t be with you.”
The birds inside the wallpaper, she used to trace her fingers around-the stars are poking through the black bag of night.
“How was your first day, sweetie?”
She holds out the picture for her mother of the giant dinosaur with a raccoon’s head. Can you guess that this is? “Ummmmm”
“Grandma went away to heaven, honey and she won’t be coming back.”
Grandma’s hugs were like hope.
(They made moaning sounds of recognition, I knew you once, you were cruel to me, why do you do this to me? Why did you do this to me?)
Please don’t take away the baby, I–
A thin buzzing in her ears, she puts the tab of acid on her tongue and-
—-HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR—
Dad? Dad? Why are you leaving?
Your father doesn’t want to live with us anymore, Mom says. The room suddenly feels cold.
They made me who I am.
I am a pain machine.
I am a perpendicular triangle.
I am a pediatric podiatrist puppet.
She lays on Derek’s chest running her hands over his nipple. “Do you love me?” He smiles and says nothing.
Jerry always smelled like fish. He worked the docks. He was so slender with big muscular arms. You would never think something that big was attached to him. He was amazing in bed but when he spoke-
I LOVE THIS SHOW! IT’S HILARIOUS! BUT WHO IS THE MOTHER?
Do do do do do do do do do do do.
I’m sorry, Mommy. I broke the lamp.
Someone stole the volleyball. Now no one is going home until we find out who. Miss Jordan, what is so funny? You want to run ten laps around the field. NOW!
(2+3)-(6-7)=(-9+9)+(5-8). Now solve for x.
“Clear!” the doctor stand over her. Flashes of light. “CLEAR!”
An IV bag dripping…
Fluffy has worms, sweetie. We just have to give him this medicine to feel better and-
–WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH?! ALL I HAVE EVER DONE IS BE NICE TO YOU AND YOU TALK BEHIND MY BACK AND KISS MY BOYFRIEND. SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES THAT? WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?
I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, I miss you, Mom. She stares into the coffin. Her lips look like rubber. The skin is so cold.
“So what is your favorite book?” he said, crossing his legs, “Don’t worry it’s a casual question. It’s not like I judge a woman by her answer to this question and form an opinion about her.” “Ummmm…”
The tests indicate you have cancer, Miss Jordan. Unfortunately it’s inoperable. The brain tumor is—
R-E-S-P-E-C-T. FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!
The dandelions, the dandelions are so beautiful. Why can’t it always be like this?
Because people have to die.
I saw Mommy and Daddy having sex. So that’s where babies come from. Gross.
“WHY WOULD YOU TEAR THE HEAD OFF YOUR SISTER’S DOLL? I CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS. I WORK ALL DAY AND I HAVE TO COME HOME TO THIS. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND DO YOU?”
“What were you doing with that boy in your room with the door closed? I really want to know.”
“Come on,” he said, “Just put it in your mouth, a minute tops. You’ll like it.”
I want to be the horseshoe. I hate this game.
Calculators make numbers make sense.
I hate this job, shitty, stupid boss….go to the bank, I need eggs, milk, flour, those little crackers that taste good with the cream cheese spread. What brand is that?
I gotta take the car in to get fixed. Would you lend me some money?
Do you believe in God?
It’s as if the universe went all out of whack. There was a thousand years of electronics and little human interaction. We feel each other through computer screens.
I love you, Mommy.
Here’s my baby teeth.
Essay for school on why my Mom is the greatest Mom in the whole wide world.
Dad, why did she have to die?
I know you loved that cat, but everything has to die. It is a natural part of life.
Evelyn looked good in her pine box.
She looks so peaceful as if she is sleeping.
Bush declares war on IRAQ.
Oh, I don’t want to miss my show…
I’m having a yard sale this weekend, would you like to come…
I’m sorry, Mom, I didn’t mean it like that I-
Pick up those boxes.
Clean your room.
Brush your teeth.
Who are you? Why are you doing this to me?
I’m your mother and-
I now pronounce you man and wife. The crowd erupts into applause.
“You’re pregnant,” the doctor said and smiled. She looks over at Philip, he looks scared.
I feel something in-between consciousness and nothingness.
We are more than our flesh.
I love this book, it smells like cedar.
1 + 1 = 2
So that’s what an orgasm feels like.
Get good grades. Get a job.
Have good credit. Pay your student loans.
It’s all the same bullshit.
Your license, ma’am.
I plead guilty, your honor.
I-what year is it?
–the date is January 26th, 20__
Oh, I love that movie with that guy who does that thing with that guy and then they both smoke cigarettes, yes, that’s the one
Prejudiced? Well, sir, I’ll have you know some of my best friends are-
God, I hate you!
I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were gay.
Oh, I love this song.
“Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?”
x 2 + y 3 = z 5 + y 7
I don’t know what you mean by that but-
I forgive you.
Coffee? Tic-Tac? Vaginal yeast infection?
Oh my god, that was so cool. Dude! Dude! Let’s do it again.
I have a headache. My brain hurts.
She said that you said that he said that she said that you said
Clarissa smiled at her son. He looked more and more like his father. She hadn’t seen him in years.
Sojourn. What does that m—
Salvador Dali was one of the greatest-
Class, any questions?
It’s like an electric current through my body.
Oh, I love that movie, I-
The bird is dead.
Wow, look at her, it’s like she’s
Bright new star—
(I can’t breathe!)
(I can’t breathe!)
Valhalla kisses me.