After reviewing various studies on infidelity for his column in PsychCentral, psychologist John Grohol estimates that you have a 25 percent chance of experiencing infidelity over the course of your relationship. While there’s no completely reliable cheat-o-meter that can absolutely verify that your spouse is cheating on you, several warning signs can tell you that your significant other might be up to no good.
Her Cell Phone is Locked Away
The number one way that affairs come to light is through technology like cell phone texts and emails, according to Mira Kirshenbaum, co-founder and clinical director of The Chestnut Hill Institute. If you find that your spouse spends a lot of time texting, emailing or chatting, but will never allow you near his or her cell phone or laptop, you may have a cheater on your hands.
He Threatens to Break Up
A lot of nasty things can often be said in the heat of an argument. However, if your spouse suddenly starts mentioning separation or divorce when you two are fighting, it may be because he has an alternative person in mind should your relationship ever end, warns relationship coach Marshon Thomas.
She Brings Up a New Friend
Your spouse may all of a sudden start talking nonstop about a new friend or coworker. Be cautious if your significant other is always bringing up how funny, nice or great he or she finds this new person, reports Marie Claire magazine. This warning sign increases in urgency if you notice that this new person is coincidentally always at events, functions or social gatherings that you just happen to not be at.
He Gets a Makeover
It’s not uncommon for someone to decide to try a new style or take up a healthy habit like exercise, says relationship expert Grace Pamer, but if these changes are drastic and very sudden, it may be because your spouse is trying to impress a new love interest. For example, if your spouse joins a gym and obsessively starts working out, and pairs this with a brand-new wardrobe and a new haircut, you may have a problem.
She’s Out of Touch
The busy signal you get when you call your spouse isn’t suspicious unless you suddenly find them unreachable during hours that you normally could reach them, warns Woman’s Day magazine. If your spouse is suddenly not available for your texts, phone calls or emails, it may be because he or she is spending time with someone else. This may be paired with other evasive techniques, like a sudden spurt of out-of-town work trips or a change in your spouse’s work schedule where he or she suddenly always has to work late at night at the office.
Warning: Don’t Feed Paranoia
If you’re worried about your relationship, honestly share your worries with your spouse, advises psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, in his Psychology Today article, “If You Think Your Partner Is Cheating.” If you don’t feel reassured after talking to your spouse, or if he or she evades your questions and makes you more suspicious, considering talking to a licensed counselor or marriage therapist.