As a online relationship guru now for over six years, I have grown personally and find myself now in a healthy and fulfilling relationship. The journey there taught me some life skills and dating tips that I will share. Specifically, here are the 10 red flags in dating that nobody should ever ignore.
1). The top red flag is a person which complements too much on the first few encounters. Along with this tendency is the “octopus” date. This is that “special” date that has his or her hands all over their date. It shows that this is a person which sees the other as an object and not as a person with feelings. Healthy individuals have enough respect to understand that his or her date has real feelings and needs time to become physical.
2). The next dating red flag comes after the first date, but can actually sometimes be seen on the first date. It’s the date that plans a “booty call” instead of a date. While knowing a date is attracted is nice, the “date” should include activities which allow both parties to get to know one another before the physical act of intimacy occurs in all dating relationships.
3). Another red flag which goes along with that one is the date that plans everything without asking. If the date includes a whole evening without asking if the other party is fine with the plans, even if romantic, then this is a person which is attempting to make the other party into a submissive individual. That means the other party is nothing more than an object to be used and thrown away when satisfied. Nobody wants to be seen as an object.
4). Then there is the date that speaks of other people of the attracted sex in detail to his or her date. If a date is talking about how cute so-and-so is on a date, then the chances are that this person is not considerate, or worse, might even be attempting to make the date feel inferior on date one. This typically leads to emotional abuse later in the relationship.
5). The fifth on the list of red flags is the date that is on the cell phone on the actual date. If that happens on the first date, then the message is very clear: the person that he or she is speaking to is not important enough to be respected.” Any date like that should be abandoned without any need to say a thing. If the neanderthal doesn’t get it, then too bad!
6). Eight text messages a day might happen after the date, but it’s questionable at best. If the date texts his or her love interest to the point where the other party is avoiding the cell phone, then chances are this is a clingy person. Commonly referred to in the DSM, (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as “co-dependents,” this is a person that will drive anyone crazy. Relationships with these people tend to end in restraining orders. It’s not pretty, and is best avoided.
7). In dating relationships this next tip is vitally important. Dating relationships are seeking a partner for life. That means a person which will be there when the times get tough. If a date is attentive during physical dates, but never there when called for help, then it’s probably a good idea to walk away.
8). This next one is more about respect than anything else. If a date ever makes a person feel like they are on a job interview, then it’s best to politely refuse another date and the personal questions. I once had a date that asked where I lived. Then, when I politely declined, demanded to know. I stupidly told that person and learned a hard lesson in why one should never respond to what was basically, verbal abuse. I should have walked away without so much as a response. Today, I would if it happened again, I would have left without a word, but then, I was naive. So nobody should ever let things get too personal on the first date, or ever allow verbal demands. If it feels like a job interview, or worse, an interrogation, then it’s best to leave.
9). Along this line, rude behavior to others on the date is a red flag as well. While it might seem complimentary when added to a compliment to you afterwards, it is a sign of an abuser. The thing my mom always said rings true here: “if they do it to someone else, then you will be next.”
10). A word about Facebook as a red flag. If Facebook is used for family and remains private, then Facebook can be a normal part of a person’s life. If they use it purely for business contacts and the personal life is not involved, then it is a fantastic tool for success. If however, a date has “self-ies” and more contacts than is possible to know, then the date is a potential attention seeker. That normally spells trouble. This red flag is not an absolute, but is worth looking into if the date is heading to a relationship.
That is the basic list of the ten red flags in dating that nobody should ignore. Dating relationships are tough enough without adding personality disorders to the mix. The basic rule is to listen to that internal compass. Another good saying my mother taught me is: “if in doubt, get out.” It’s served me well and should work in dating also.